Relationships

Lovestruck, but children won’t accept it

Dear Wendyl, When I split up from my husband I had no interest in starting another relationship, preferring to focus entirely on my two children...

Dear Wendyl,

When I split up from my husband I had no interest in starting another relationship, preferring to focus entirely on my two children and help them through the separation. Recently, however, I met a guy during a weekend at a friend’s bach and now we’re madly in love. I feel so wonderful and his love has returned me to a happy life I doubted I’d ever experience again. But when I introduced him to my kids they both took an immediate dislike to him and they’re really quite rude when he’s around. Should I put my kids first and tell him it’s over?

Lovestruck Libran, by email

Dear Lovestruck Libran,

My advice is to give it some time. I always think it’s good to put yourself in your kids’ shoes when it comes to problems like this. They were quite happy with the way things were and now there’s this guy who a) isn’t their father and might want to be, and b) is getting some of the attention that used to be theirs exclusively.

I can understand that they’re unhappy about it. Try to take the pressure off the need for everyone to play happy families. See your guy when your ex has your kids, and opt to have them spend time with your new man only occasionally. Allay the kids’ fears by talking to them about what impact your relationship might have on the family.

Send your questions to [email protected] or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142.

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