Pictures: Philip Castleton.
Benji Marshall has spent his life carving out a legacy as one of New Zealand’s most celebrated rugby league players. His magic on the field was undeniable, but his most important role is the one he plays off it – as a husband and father.
“Being a dad is my greatest achievement and it’s something I take really seriously,” shares the sporting legend. Together with his wife Zoe, he has built a life filled with love and purpose as they raise their two young kids.
“Parenting is the hardest job in the world. It’s such a big responsibility to try to get it right,” shares Benji, 40, who is now the head coach of his former Wests Tigers team.
“For me, the most important thing is raising our children to be good people.
“I don’t want my son to feel like he has to follow in my footsteps as a footy player. He can be whatever he wants. All we care about is that they’re good kids with good discipline, which isn’t always easy!”
After growing up not knowing his real father and then losing his foster dad to cancer, Benji says being present for their kids − son Fox, seven, and daughter Ever, almost four − is something he and Zoe prioritise. He is there as often as he can for the everyday moments, picking the children up from school, cooking dinner and putting them to bed.
Meanwhile, author, podcaster and influencer Zoe, 40, loves the flexibility of her work. It means she can be with the children every morning and for all the important milestones, as well as Fox’s school activities and play dates. She also shares a special mother-daughter day each week “doing everyday things” with Ever.
Zoe smiles, “The children don’t really understand how lucky they are. Not in the financial sense, but in how present we are. It’s not something either Benji or I had when we were growing up.”
With their beautiful Sydney home, two happy kids and fulfilling careers, life looks picture-perfect for the longtime couple. However, when they met as 24-year-olds, both were experiencing deep trauma.
Benji was devastated after losing his dad and Zoe was still grieving the loss of her much-loved single mum Jan to breast cancer. She was also fresh out of a frightening, abusive relationship.
Growing together from this “rock bottom” has only deepened their bond, shares Zoe.
“We champion each other on such a deep level and figure out how to support each other, even when it’s super-difficult. For example, when Benji says he wants to head off on an eight-day golf trip with his mates!”
During his illustrious league career, Benji made 346 appearances in the NRL and had 31 Test caps for New Zealand’s Kiwis. He knows all about being part of a great team but says the squad he and Zoe have built during their 16 years together is the most important of all.
“What I love most about Zoe is she’s always trying to better herself, our relationship and our life,” enthuses Benji. “She challenges me, which I don’t always like. But I do want to be a better person, dad and partner because of Zoe.”
Benji’s family-first philosophy even spills into his work with the Tigers. He explains, “One thing people often get wrong is thinking professional sportspeople are robots. Of course, there are times when work is the priority, but life away from footy is so important too. We encourage our players to make sure their family lives are settled and happy.”
Former radio and TV host Zoe, creator of the award-winning podcast The Deep, is also passionate about helping others. She’s just launched her first book, Ariise, which encourages people to incorporate the powerful technique of manifestation – or “co-creation”, as she prefers to call it – to unlock their potential and “live the life they deserve”.
It was during the punishing grief of losing her mum nearly 20 years ago that Zoe started to embrace the principles of co-creation, which she continues to live every day.
“It can be confronting work as it asks us to look honestly at our habits and the things that limit us, then get clear on our core values and beliefs,” says Zoe. “After that, we can start to take action to co create a life we love alongside our higher self, God, the universe or whatever we like to call it. I’ve always embraced the idea that life is something to be created with purpose.”
After working in mainstream media for many years, Zoe had some initial nerves about releasing the book. She was worried people would think she was “woo woo”. But she says, “Then I thought, ‘Bugger that!’ This is who I am and it’s worked for me for years. I stopped caring about what people think.”
In the book, Zoe shares some deeply personal reflections about her own challenges. Some of which include her fertility struggles and a frightening breast cancer scare last June.
She recalls, “I was in the middle of writing the book when my doctor said a lump she had been monitoring in my breast needed to be removed. I immediately spiralled and started thinking of all the worst-case scenarios, especially after everything Mum had been through.”
Medical professionals removed the lump on Zoe’s 40th birthday. The same day, she launched the Ariise personal-growth online platform that supports the book. A week later, she received the all-clear, although the experience tested her belief systems.
Zoe explains, “I realised doom-spiralling wasn’t going to change the diagnosis, but what I could control was my reaction to it. Once I was able to get the stress out of my mind and body, I leaned into gratitude and the support of Benji, who was my absolute rock. He never projected his own fears on to me. He was so practical and compassionate.”
Benji is “really proud” of Zoe’s achievements and the launch of Ariise. He confesses manifesting also comes naturally to him too.
“If you ask Zoe, she’d say she’s the big manifester, but I think I’m actually bigger – just unintentionally! I’m a big believer in going after what you want, visualising it and believing it’s going to happen.”
The couple have a busy few months ahead, with the NRL season in full swing, and Zoe preparing for a whirlwind of book events, workshops and retreats now Ariise is out in the world.
“The book is a practical guide for everyone, no matter where they’re at in their life,” smiles Zoe. “If people take one thing from it, even just changing the way they speak to themselves, I’d be really happy.”
One thing that won’t change during the busy time ahead is Benji and Zoe’s commitment to their relationship. The couple try to have a date night once a week, shares Benji.
“It’s usually just a meal together, which keeps us connected and talking about the things we need to talk about,” he says. “We’re not perfect, but we constantly work on our relationship. It’s like coaching – you have to challenge each other to grow.”
The couple do their best to model healthy behaviour to Fox and Ever. Most nights, they’ll ask the children to share the best and most challenging parts of their day.
“Our kids have the hilarious ability at family barbecues to ask if people want to meditate with them,” grins Zoe. “Or they’ll look to the moon and say things they’re grateful for. We love it.”
Although they’re complete opposites who “shouldn’t make sense”, Benji says he and Zoe “make perfect sense to each other”. He concludes, “We’re each other’s rocks – our safe place. The respect and care we have for each other spills over to the kids. They see us prioritise our relationship and that’s really important.”
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