Six months ago, former Bachelorette NZ star Lily McManus found herself alone and heartbroken. Her long-term relationship had come to an end and she wasn’t quite sure what would be on the cards down the track.
Looking back on this uncertain time, Lily realises just how far she’s come, both on and off screen. Now 26, she reflects, “Your mid to late twenties are a really transformative time. You’re learning a lot about who you are and what you want.”
Lately, Lily’s grateful she’s had time to explore her own sexuality outside of the spotlight. She says she’s attracted to both men and women but wouldn’t necessarily call herself bisexual.
“I date women as well as men,” says Lily. “I don’t talk about that much because when I came off The Bachelorette, I told myself I would have more boundaries around what I share with the public.”
Looking for love with fellow Bachelorette Dr Lesina Nakhid-Schuster in 2020.
Lily considers herself to be fluid, rather than using a specific label. She explains, “There’s so much politics around the term ‘bisexual’ because some people think it excludes trans and nonbinary people, which I don’t. It suggests there are only two genders.”
Lily graced our screens for the first time back in 2017 as a contestant on The Bachelor NZ. She may have missed out on leading man Zac Franich, but she won the hearts of the Kiwi public and went on
to appear in international series The Bachelor Winter Games, where she fell in love with Aussie contestant Courtney Dober.
Coming out of relationships with Courtney (pictured) and Richie (below), Lily says she now dates women too.
When that didn’t work out, following a stint on Celebrity Treasure Island, Lily starred in 2020’s The Bachelorette NZ, giving her final rose to Richie Boyens, but the couple called it quits 18 months later.
Since then, she’s had what she calls “a normal relationship” outside of the spotlight, but that came to an end last September too.
Smiling, Lily reminisces, “It’s crazy to think that I first came on TV in New Zealand when I was only 21. I’ve grown so much since then. It’s really freaking wild that two of my four serious relationships came from television, which sounds insane to say out loud because I definitely went into these programmes thinking the odds weren’t in my favour.
“When you walk into a bar, you can meet 20 people and not be attracted to any of them, physically or emotionally. To have that happen to me twice, it’s almost like a dream.”
After Lily’s last break-up, she says the past six months of being single have given her time to reflect and work out what she really wants in life.
“I’m always asking myself, ‘What do I want to be?’ and, ‘Where do I want to go?’ Having to consider somebody else and what they want can sometimes get in the way of your own goals. I hate that.
“And I hate that, as women, we have so much natural f**king love that we tend to care more about other people than ourselves. It can get in the way of figuring out what it is that you want and need.”
Although Lily doesn’t have a checklist for her perfect partner, she says they do need to have the same values and desires – one of which includes not hearing the pitter-patter of little human feet.
“I honestly don’t think I ever want to have children,” says Lily. “When I’m 40 and have a farm, I would love to foster a teenager. I really like helping people in need. I just don’t have that maternal need to shove something out my vagina!”
It was Lily’s strong stance on children that led to the end of her first real relationship, but her last split came down to issues that she says are more universal.
“It’s an odd time in the world,” muses Lily. “A lot of young people are realising they’re not going to be able to afford the bare necessities, like a home, and most people’s mental health isn’t really at its peak. For both of us, looking after ourselves became the biggest priority. We both love and care about each other, but we realised it’s not the right time to have a relationship.”
For now, Lily’s happy to be on her own path and isn’t actively searching for anything serious. “If it happens, it happens, but I’m OK just being on my own and focusing on my life.”
Fittingly, Lily has put her recent experience to good use by partnering with Trade Me as the face of their “Break Up Starter Packs”, which saw new singletons bidding on four kits, each worth $1500, and carefully curated to help them get over their exes and embrace their new lives.
Now sold out, 100% of the proceeds have gone to the Trade Me Kindness Store, which has raised more than $650,000 for charities such as Women’s Refuge, KidsCan, Rainbow Youth and the Red Cross.
“Apparently nearly half the country has gone through a break-up in the past three years,” explains Lily. “I don’t know who hurt you guys, but I’ve got you!”
