Q. After a few years of having lost my mojo, I’m keen to try to make more of an effort with my husband, but I’m not sure where to begin. I know we live in a world of sex and I’m not sure how an ordinary woman can keep up.
A. It’s true – you can’t beat a Kardashian sex bomb at their own game just by virtue of statistics. New Zealanders have sex an average of 133 times a year – that’s two to three times a week. (Tauranga, Gisborne, Palmerston North and Whanganui are the most sexually active areas in the country.) So if you raise the stakes and head for four times a week, you are going to be blowing the national average.
However, numbers aside, what’s important here is that you shift your mindset from, “How can I please him?” to, “How do I please myself?”
Sex is not just for men but something that we share with them. I know a lot of busy working mothers reading this will shudder! A friend told me last week that the thought of having sex with her husband was akin to having a voluntary cervical smear.
But the reality is that while it’s easy to fall out of the habit, it’s super-fun getting back into it. Invest in buying yourself a sex toy or a sexy outfit and while you are enjoying or experimenting with it, let your partner know. These things don’t necessarily rely on him but will pique his interest.
In a non-verbal way, show you mean business. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who knows what she wants and is prepared to do whatever it takes to be the best at it – sex included. Celebrate the return of your mojo for yourself and he will be sure to follow your lead, trust me!
Q. I just got married and my husband loves having sex in the morning, whereas I hate it. I’m not in the mood at all. How can I solve this?
A. Two short words: You can’t. You have to work with it, so to speak, and compromise. And thankfully for you, you live in Whangarei, the one
city that prefers to have sex at lunchtime, according to the 2012 Kiwi Mega Sex Survey.
At the risk of sounding too prescriptive, you both have to give and take. Accept that mornings are his thing and instead of making it into a charity event, figure out when it works for you, then split the difference.
But don’t go on about how much mornings are not your thing! Being black and white when it comes to sex implies you are non-negotiable and it generally indicates a lack of understanding about how human relationships work.
We will change, shift and morph according to a million factors in our lives, and our sexual relationships prosper when both parties remain open, entertained and flexible.
If your husband told you he was only ever going to want to have sex on Sunday evenings between 7 and 7.10pm, how would you feel? Embrace his mornings, as he will your evenings, and remember that you are on the same side.
Get adventurous and expand your sexual world with Peaches and Cream, which has the largest selection of erotic playthings and sex toys in New Zealand.
If you have a question for Jodie write to [email protected] or post your question to:
Woman’s Day
Private Bag 92512
Wellesley Street
Auckland.
