Disagreements are part of a healthy relationship and nobody is immune to the occasional big argument. Incorporating two different viewpoints into one happy relationship takes work and how you argue, especially how you end an argument, is vital to the long-term success of your relationship.
Here are some tips for how to fight – and fight fair.
Keep control
This is the key to any good fight. Go into a fight looking for resolution, not to get even. You are entitled to air your feelings in a constructive way but you must also realise that your partner is entitled to their point of view. Give each other time to air your grievances and respond to them in a calm fashion. Remember, you are fighting for the relationship, not against it and this is not a competition. If you make your relationship a competition, that means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It’s not a competition, it’s a partnership.
Keep it relevant
How did this fight start? What is this fight about? Don’t bring up old grudges or past hurts when they don’t belong in your current argument. Place boundaries around the subject matter and stick to them, otherwise the fight will deteriorate into a free-for-all yell fest and some real feelings might get hurt.
Remain focused
Why are you arguing? Know what you want to achieve going into a disagreement and then work to resolve the issue and reach a compromise you are happy with. It is important to deal with the issue at hand, not with a symptom of the problem. If you can’t get to the root of what’s bothering you, and work on reaching a happy resolution, you will walk away from the disagreement even more frustrated.
Avoid getting personal
Stay focused on the issue you are arguing about and do not resort to spiteful name calling or attacking your partner personally. This will make the argument much harder to resolve later.
Keep fights private
Never fight in front of your children, friends or family. It makes others feel awkward and can damage your children emotionally. Have self control and contain yourself until you can talk privately. If the issue is too pressing, remove yourselves from the room and give yourselves a chance to argue out of earshot of other people.
Is it worth the fight?
You and your partner will disagree about many things, from the way to fold teatowels to how to raise your children. Just because you disagree, does not mean you need to get mad, or have an argument. Chose those issues that are most important to you and save your arguments to deal with them.
Set a time limit
Arguments should not carry on for unnecessary amounts of time. Don’t let your disagreement stretch on. Put a time limit on resolving your differences and get on with your lives!
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