Relationships

Can it ever work out if you feel like you ‘settled’ for your partner?

Beware: these spouses are seriously honest about their other halves.
Unhappy couple

Unhappy couple

Most of us have thought it at some stage in our romantic lives. Am I just settling for this person? Can I do better? Are they settling for me? But for those who actively thought this about their other halves – how did it work out long term?

Reddit asked users this very question, and here’s what they came back with.

Be warned, these partners get very honest about their other halves.

Snowball effect

“It is a total snowball effect for someone like me who has trouble just deciding to leave. I admire decisive people who just go when they know it’s wrong. I knew early on he wasn’t social, he didn’t like my goofy sense of humour, he hated my family, and more signs. Now I am isolated across the country from my family being told we will never go back to our home state, with a baby, no job, and completely screwed financially because I decided to trust him.

Most days I convince myself to just be happy as I am, live in the moment, be thankful for my time with my son and when the days are good. Other days I am fighting a constant inner turmoil that brings me to physical pain and hating myself for not finishing school or continuing to make a good career for myself. I used to be the most independent person I know, now I am the most dependent.”

I wouldn’t trade her

“My wife is heavier than I would have liked in a partner but she also is more attractive, outgoing, down to earth and funny overall. I think she has proved most stereotypes wrong on being overweight. She also made an effort (and still does) to keep it under control, but not for me, for her own well-being. We are different in the sense that I am more active than her but she also “balances me out” in the sense that I learned how to relax a little more and enjoy life. I balance her out by getting her more active and eating healthier. So all in all it’s working out fine. At first I thought I was settling, but now I think I was getting exactly what I needed in a partner. I wouldn’t trade her for anything/anyone in the world.”

You may also like: Brides & grooms reveal why they jilted their partners at the altar.

“I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world”

Seeing the wood for the trees

“When I first started dating, (and getting serious with) my now fiance I felt like I was settling, but really I was just carrying a torch for someone else. Once I saw what a toxic and manipulative person the young lady I pined for was, I was able to see what a beautiful, kind, and loving person my current partner is. I am SO glad she stuck it out with me honestly.”

Things change

“I’ve been with my wife since high school. When she fell for me I was 5 feet tall, 95 pounds, unspeakably nerdy and hygiene challenged. She, in comparison, was a dancer/gymnast who’s only fault was being too shy. Saying that she was out of my league wouldn’t begin to describe it.

Now we’re in our 30s, and I’ve grown into a 6’2, muscular guy. I’ve developed social skills, fashion sense, and a good career. We’ve had 2 beautiful children, and while my wife is fit, considering, multiple pregnancies take a toll on most women. She’s achieved impressive professional goals, but isn’t generating huge amounts of cash because of the field she’s in. I meet super smart, super hot mid 20s women at work all the time.

We are both completely crazy about each other and, not that it’s a competition, but probably the most in love people we know. We’ve been together since we were children, so we’ve become who we are today as much because of each other as because of ourselves. It’s impossible for me to really imagine what my life would be like without her in it.

I know that it doesn’t wind up like this for everyone, but my advice is that if you find someone you can be totally honest with, you are never settling.”

“My advice is that if you find someone you can be totally honest with, you are never settling.”

Intelligence is relative

“At first I felt that way about my SO because my IQ is way higher than his. But, over time I’ve grown to see his IQ isn’t as high as mine, but he’s way more intelligent than me in so many other ways (like, he cooks delicious food, he can fix cars, he’s way more spatially aware than me, he is way more emotionally balanced than me, and many other things). So, even though I do better in school than him, he’s just smart in other areas of life. I’ve fallen in love with him over time and realized I’m not “settling” at all, I’m just reaching across towards a different kind of intelligence.”

A shallow life for me

“I usually date really attractive women with little to no personality which I invariably get bored with, so I tried dating a woman who was like my best friend and was interesting, and knowledgeable but…I didn’t really find her that physically attractive. Didn’t work out, I tried for 2 years but I need the lust part so I’m going back to bimbos. A shallow life for me.”

It was all in my head

“Really good. I realized eventually that I wasn’t actually ‘settling,’ just letting go of the unrealistic, immature expectations of perfections I’d built up. The guy I ‘settled’ for turned out to be way better than what I’d imagined in my head as the ideal.”

Loading the player...

Related stories


Get your favourite magazines home delivered!  

Subscribe and save up to 38% on a magazine subscription.