All I want is a dumpy.
No, it’s not a new kind of rubbish receptacle or a garden gnome.
It’s an optical instrument used to establish or check points in the same horizontal plane, to transfer, measure, or set horizontal levels.
And no, I haven’t been studying engineering in my spare time – I copied that off Google. More simply, it’s a short, squat thing that helps you get things level.
Most gardeners probably don’t need one until they’re about to build a wall, fence, or some kind of border, but I’m one of those obsessive types with spirit levels in my eyes. If things are not level, it makes me very uncomfortable.
Right now, The Partner and I are edging our main lawn with railway sleepers, in preparation for garden games over summer.
Believe me, heaving the wretched things on and off one another in an effort to get them level is no fun at all.
If we had the aforementioned dumpy, we’d have had a line to work to and would have had to do the job only once.
The meandering stepping stones beneath this pergola take the attention away from the structure, while the climber hides what’s happening overhead.
Chances are you haven’t got a dumpy either, so if you’re about to put up a fence, a wall, or even a garden edging, you will need:
A spirit level
A string line
A can of dazzle
A tape measure
A person with an eye that can spot a 3ml error at 40 paces
Armed with the above, you should be able to create a fence or boundary without offending the person who can spot a 3ml error at 40 paces.
However, bearing in mind that we are all human, it’s more than likely you’ll end up with a fence that isn’t quite perfect. That’s where the person with design skills comes in handy.
The two elements which make up for the lack of a dumpy are perspective and distraction.
If your fence or wall is complete, and the 3ml error is driving you nuts, here’s the solution.
Change the perspective by altering the view. If the structure looks fine from one angle, but not another, place a tree, garden seat or some other obstruction in the way, to prevent people viewing it from the wrong angle.
Plants are a great way of hiding crooked lines and their softening effect will enhance your fence – even if it’s not crooked. But if you are trying to hide something, choose lush plants with plenty of foliage, or something with angles.
A row of lancewoods or a pair of sasanquas won’t disguise your errors, but the agave confuses the eye with bulbous, triangular leaves, while the mad foliage of a fatsia or acanthus hides a multitude of sins.
Hang something on the wall, but make sure it’s an oblique shape. Anything that’s square or rectangular will only exacerbate your problem.An outdoor clock or colourful round plate is a better choice.
Something growing over the fence also works. Choose a showy plant and it’ll be very difficult to tell if it’s level or not. Don’t go for a deciduous climber or you’ll be confronted with your error every winter.
Rocks, sculpture and art also confuse the issue. An angular artwork with plenty of opposing lines, set in front of an uneven wall, goes a long way to fooling the eye and a decent-sized rock plonked in front of a corner hides the evidence.
The trick I always remember is a group of multicoloured boxes set on their apexes at the junction of two walls. That was in an exhibition garden, which just proves that nobody gets it right all the time.
gardening—star-jasmine
Star jasmine: Most gardeners know star jasmine – it’s one of the handiest plants you can get. The glossy green leaves have touches of red in winter, followed by a myriad of little white flowers in summer. It’s fragrant, well-behaved and dead easy to grow – and you can keep it trimmed to ground cover if you like.
gardening—pandorea
Pandorea: You’d think this Aussie vine was very rare and special, but it’s actually a common climber in New Zealand. In full flower it produces panicles of fragrant, golden blooms that drip from stems of green foliage. It likes sun and protection from the cold.
gardening—hedera
Hedera helix ‘Glacier’: No flowers, but this variegated ivy makes up for it with lovely foliage and a good attitude. It’s a great cover-up for walls, fences, water tanks and the like, and it tolerates regular clipping.
gardening—hardenbergia
Happy wanderer: Give this climber a warm, sheltered spot and it’ll go nuts, making racemes of purple, pea-like flowers. It’s evergreen, but you can whack it back after flowering to stimulate new growth. Once it flowers, there’s not a chance anyone will take a blind bit of notice of a crooked wall.
gardening—clematis
Clematis: There are heaps of clematis to choose from and they’re suitable for trellises, walls, or growing gently through trees. Starry blooms appear in spring, followed by silken seed heads. Keep roots cool with a nice layer of mulch. If you’re a fan of natives, there is a New Zealand one.
gardening-1
The meandering stepping stones beneath this pergola take the attention away from the structure, while the climber hides what’s happening overhead.
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