As that very wise man Phil Collins once sang, You can’t hurry love. And in some cases, people have to wait rather a long time to find The One. But knowing there isn’t a cut-off date for true love can be encouraging for those who worry about never finding that someone special. A US study has found a sharp increase in people over 60 marrying and other research suggests an increasing number of people aged 40 plus are saying “I do” for the first time.
Psychologist Mark Travers says one of the key misconceptions around ageing is the belief that experiences of love and sexuality inevitably diminish with time. But that’s often not the case.
Mark explains, “The need for companionship, emotional connection and intimacy remains fundamental to human wellbeing, regardless of age.”
Carol Denker wrote Autumn Romance: Love Stories Over 50 after finding the love of her life – after three previous marriages – when she was 62. She says she feels a deep love for hubby Warren that she didn’t know she was capable of feeling at any age.
The couples she spoke to for her book didn’t see their ages as limiting, and were thrilled to find true, deep love at a stage of life when many people think falling in love is a thing of the past.
“These couples connect so deeply because they are seeing through to the soul. Inside is someone vibrant who may have become more interesting and more able to love with age.”
Famous people who found love later in life
George Clooney & Amal Alamuddin
George Clooney popped the question to Amal Alamuddin when he was 53.
Keanu Reeves & Alexandra Grant
Keanu Reeves was 55 when he went public with girlfriend Alexandra Grant.
Halle Berry & Van Hunt
Halle Berry fell madly in love for the first time at 54 after meeting musician Van Hunt.
Knowing what you want
Participants in a study by Arizona State University into romance later in life admitted they found dating easier now that they were older because they had greater self-knowledge and contentment with who they were, as well as greater certainty about what they wanted from a partner.
Case study – ‘I found Mr Right online’
Business owner Deborah knows exactly when she fell in love for the first time, because it was just last year. Now 68, she was 67 when she met Adam through online dating site Compatico, and it didn’t take long to realise the instant bond they felt was true love.
“I knew early on this was it – I lost a dress size in about a month because I couldn’t eat,” she laughs.
She had previously been married for 18 years, but that relationship ended 15 years ago. She can see now that she wasn’t in love with her first husband and as the years passed after their divorce, she had become resigned to being on her own.
“I did have one short-term relationship but other than that, I’ve been single. With Adam, I knew straightaway after we were matched that I would go out with him again.”
Despite only being a couple for six months, they know they want to spend the rest of their lives together.
“Compatico did a great job of matching us. I said I wanted someone with a big heart and he has that. He’s kind, emotionally stable and he’s close to his family. He makes me feel safe. “In about week three of dating, we both said we could not believe our luck in finding someone so perfect. Knowing I have someone amazing to go through life with is a wonderful feeling.”
Tips on finding love
- Open yourself up mentally and emotionally to finding someone special. Welcome new experiences and new people, and you never know who may appear in your life.
- Get rid of any baggage. It’s hard going into a new relationship if you’ve got hang-ups about the past. Move on from whatever has happened to you.
- Be proactive. You won’t meet anyone staying at home. Join clubs, volunteer or sign up for online dating.
- Re-think dealbreakers. While it’s only natural to have standards and criteria when it comes to a partner, you could be narrowing the field if you’re automatically ruling out people.
