My son is ghosting me
Hey Jay-Jay,
I have a dilemma for you: I have an 18-year-old son whom I haven’t seen in 17 months due to a falling-out. He lives out of town, where he’s going solo, without contact with either parent. I miss him and I DM him on Facebook once a week. I don’t know if he sees my messages as he won’t accept my friend requests, but I’ve been told he does apparently read them. I don’t have his cell number. I’m giving him all the space he needs, but will he ever forgive me and see me again?
Donna, Taranaki
Oh, Donna!
This breaks my heart – and believe it or not, I can totally relate. We’ve had feuds like this in my own family and it’s tough for everyone. Whatever happened between you, I am absolutely sure your son loves you and feels bad too, but he could be a bit proud or stubborn to admit this yet.
Seventeen- and 18-year-old boys are still maturing and it may take a little while longer for him to realise the silence isn’t fun any more. What you are doing is great, though – messaging him every week, even though he doesn’t reply. He can never accuse you of not caring or not being there for him.
I have a friend who has been in this situation with a teenage son for the past year. He messaged him every day, telling him he loved him and inviting him to hang out when he was ready. Often the messages were ignored and sometimes the son would reply with a “piss off” message, but my friend didn’t give up – and guess what? His son is finally coming around and they’re starting to talk. They have even hung out a couple of times.
My friend isn’t putting any pressure on his son and his son has come around in his own time. I really believe this can also be the same for you.
They say we hurt the ones we love the most and this is true here. Keep reminding your son that you love him and you’re always here for him, and with a bit more time, I’m sure he will come around.
There will come a time when he needs you again – I just know it!
Good luck, Jay-Jay
A problem shared is a problem halved! Send your sticky situations to Jay-Jay – email [email protected].
