Long-distance lust
Dear Jay-Jay,
I have met the most amazing man. He is handsome, he is caring and he is funny. But he lives in Brazil. We met online after he messaged me on Instagram. I know how this sounds, but he is not a scam.
I have talked to him on the phone and we chat via video every day. He seems genuine and we are obsessed with each other.
I can’t afford to go to Brazil to meet him at the moment and he can’t afford to come here, but I am in love with him, so I can’t let him go. My friends all think I’m crazy and they don’t believe he is real, but I know better.
I know you had an overseas boyfriend. Can you advise me here? Am I wasting my time on a man I may never meet or should I just go with my heart?
CS, Auckland
Kia ora!
Yes, I have been there!
I met my last boyfriend, Minou, on Facebook and everyone assumed he was a scammer who wanted my money. It wasn’t until he was able to come to New Zealand to meet all of my friends that they saw for themselves his intentions were real.
It does always sound dodgy on paper, but there are so many people who have met on social media and if they are in the same country, no one questions it. You do have to be wary until you can meet him in person, though, and if he ever asks you for money, no matter how small the amount or how convincing the reason, please promise me you will not send it.
But if you really do feel sure, there is no reason why you shouldn’t pursue it. It’s your life after all. However, long-distance relationships are hard, so if you cannot see a way that you can meet in person, is there really a point? That’s how I felt about Minou.
I had to meet him to be sure he was real, so I arranged to hook up in the Maldives. He was real alright! We had the best time and continued to meet when we could. It was very expensive, but my heart was deep in it. When the pandemic made it impossible to see each other, we waited a while, but in the end, we had to be realistic and let each other go. That was hard, but I was able to move on and find someone just as awesome here in New Zealand!
My advice is to be wary and safe, but enjoy getting to know each other. Meet his friends and family on video too. Save up and try to meet somewhere in the middle. If you can maintain the long distance, go for it. If not, that’s a heart-breaking decision you’ll have to make according to your own circumstances. Best of luck!
I know how your heart feels.
Jay-Jay
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