**Dear Wendyl,
**I’m worried my 14-year-old daughter might be having sex. I’ve been thinking about this ever since I read something she messaged her friends about on Facebook. I’m really freaked out this is happening but can’t talk to her about it.
Every time I sit down to have “the talk”, I chicken out and don’t bring it up. How can I get her to talk to me so I can make sure she’s safe and knows what she’s doing?
Desperate Mum***, by email
Dear Desperate Mum,
Well done for realising the first thing you need to do is open up some lines of communication with your daughter. It’s really important she feels she can talk to you about sex and relationships throughout her life.
First, make sure you know exactly what you’re going to say. Half of the problem is when your curiosity overcomes the need to know you’re giving her good advice. Have a look at one of my past Agony Aunt columns: nzwomansweekly.co.nz/family/ kids-teens/talking teens-aboutsex/story/4102185 or visit health.govt.nz and type “talking about sex” into the search box.
Then wait until you and your daughter are watching something on TV that’s relevant – perhaps a storyline on Home and Away. Or she might be talking about a friend of hers and then you could casually ask what’s going on with her.
Most teenagers feel much better once they get over the embarrassment of talking to their parents about sex. And then they know they can always ask you about something that’s worrying them. That’s the most important thing.
Send your questions to [email protected] or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142.
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