Photography: Amalia Osborne.
To his 2.2 million TikTok followers, it may seem like Louis Davis has it all figured out as he prepares to welcome his fourth child with wife Ashleigh. But speaking with Woman’s Day weeks before the birth, the social media superstar shares he’s still striving to be a better dad – which means confronting a 20-year struggle with his body.
The Far North-based influencer, 31, has had a whirlwind few years with his popular parenting posts earning him lucrative collab offers, DMs from the likes of Shania Twain and the title of TikTok’s NZ Creator of the Year.
But in his new book The Modern Dad, Louis opens up about growing up in a “crazy fat-phobic rhetoric”, where gaining weight was a sign of “losing yourself” and skinniness was the “most admirable quality”.
Louis first thought, “I’m fat,” around age 10. By 15, he was lifting weights to get ripped like the stars of Jersey Shore, eating 10 egg whites for brekkie and taking supplements.
Breaking the cycle for his children
It was only after his daughter Anakiwa was born that the Celebrity Treasure Island contestant evaluated his strict approach to food and exercise, fearing his kids could inherit similar habits. Although he’s now eased his rigorous regime, Louis says being “permanently dissatisfied” with how he looks still impacts everything, from stressing about hitting the gym on Christmas Day to avoiding social events with food temptations.
“It’s incredibly painful not to be able to relax or be present in your family until you’ve ‘released’ yourself by doing enough exercise,” Louis writes in Modern Dad.
Being a role model to his kids
He hopes that sharing his experience with eating and exercise disorders is another step towards overcoming them – and instilling healthy habits in Anakiwa, five, Kānoa, three, and Kiahi, one.
“I can usually talk about hard things I’ve gone through because I’m on the other side, so there’s a lesson to be learnt, whereas this isn’t something I’ve overcome – I live with this,” he says.
“Putting it into the book is an exploration of my hope and fear because I don’t want my children to carry that voice.”
Louis, who has Ngāpuhi and Ngāti Whātua heritage, adds that being unable to name a fellow Māori male with an eating disorder makes him feel alone. He hopes going public will help raise awareness of body struggles among Māori and Pacific Island men.
Healing old wounds
While Louis’ daughters motivated him to be a healthy role model, fatherhood also prompted him to heal another long-standing trauma – his relationship with big sister Taylor. The pair didn’t speak for more than 10 years, but they reconciled when Louis became a dad. Witnessing Taylor be an “awesome auntie” has been an “antidote” to past troubles.
“Siblings is a hard relationship, but you’ve got to make it work,” shares Louis.
“When I’m gone, I want my children to look after each other, but how can I ask that of my kids if I’d never do that for my sister?”
While he and Ashleigh are keeping their baby’s sex a surprise, Louis smiles, “It’s probably a girl. I feel like I was meant to be a girl dad.”
Being the best husband
In a bid to ease Ashleigh’s load, Louis handles all pregnancy admin, like making appointments, but he’s forever annoyed by jokes from doctors or fellow fathers about dads being useless.
“One of my biggest frustrations is that lad chat,” he says.
Being useful is even more vital when women experience postpartum struggles, as Ashleigh has after each birth.
Louis explains, “There’s a myth it’s this mysterious, mystical thing hanging over the woman and there’s nothing men can do. But if you feel helpless, at least don’t make it worse by being like another kid who needs to be cooked and cleaned for.”
Having met Ashleigh in high school, Louis says growing up together has been both a privilege and hurdle.
“The greatest challenge is choosing each other through every season. You learn to sacrifice and compromise.”
Passionate about sharing Māori culture with the world, Louis has gone viral eating kina with Jason Momoa and digging into kaimoana while interviewing Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
He says, “They’re big stars, but they were funny, warm and down to do anything. Sometimes I think, ‘Why am I here?’ because Māori kids don’t get to do these things. It’s cool to represent my people in a space where we don’t always feel we belong.”
The next celeb on his wish list is naturalist Sir David Attenborough. Louis laughs, “He’s 100, so we’ve got to hurry up!”
The Modern Dad by Louis Davis ($35, Allen & Unwin) is on shelves Tuesday.
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, please visit ed.org.nz or call 0800 2 EDANZ.
