Television presenter Sonia Gray has always been open about her anxiety, as well as past struggles with depression, which is one of the reasons she was shoulder-tapped to be a presenter – and guinea pig – for new documentary Mind Menders.
The series explores how psychedelic drugs LSD, ketamine and psilocybin (magic mushrooms) are showing great promise with treating anxiety, severe depression and even addiction.
During filming, Sonia bravely took part in an eight-week LSD microdosing trial at the University of Auckland and tried ketamine in a controlled environment at the University of Otago.
Her reason for agreeing to take part was multi-faceted.
“I’ve always been passionate about mental health,” she says. “And now working in the field of neurodiversity, a lot of the people I interview have complex mental health challenges.
“Neurodivergent brains don’t need fixing – they’re amazing. But if you’re dyslexic or autistic, or have ADHD, the world is not always a welcoming place – and I see the suffering that causes. Maybe psychedelics could help in healing some of that trauma.”
The stigma around mental health in NZ
Sonia points out that one in four Kiwis suffer from anxiety. “That’s people who’ve received a diagnosis at some point in their lives,” she explains.
“Most people won’t go and get a diagnosis because there’s still so much stigma around mental health. And I guess that’s why I still find it hard to talk about.
“But this is not about me. I wouldn’t be talking about this if I didn’t know that 25% of the population experience anxiety at some point in their lives.”
First, Sonia had to undertake a bunch of tests to determine if she qualified to even go on the LSD trial led by Professor Suresh Muthukumaraswamy.
“I did and suddenly I had LSD in my fridge,” she laughs. “There was a moment where I was like, ‘What am I doing? Who am I?’ But microdosing done correctly, you shouldn’t really feel anything.”
Sonia admits to being nervous at the prospect of taking psychedelics and she asked lots of questions including, “Will it change my personality?”
What Sonia’s loved ones thought
Her friends’ opinions were also divided. Some thought it was exciting, while others believed it was too risky and begged her not to try ketamine – even though new research shows it may provide short-term relief of symptoms for depression and anxiety.
Someone even shared how they snorted ketamine thinking it was cocaine and then couldn’t move. However, through her research and chats with Professor Paul Glue, a psychopharmacology expert
at the University of Otago, Sonia realised taking ketamine in a really controlled setting, where it’s measured precisely and where someone is with you, is about as safe as it gets.
“I knew it couldn’t go horribly wrong. What I feared was having two cameras on me recording the experience. Even though I’m used to that, it’s hard to completely let go.”
The emotional toll of telling her story
Close friends Jessie Stanley and comedian Jaquie Brown, who appear in the doco, were supportive and interested in the research. “Jessie and Jaquie were proud and excited for me, and keen to know how it was going. They’re also on the same page as me in asking how we can ease the suffering of so many New Zealanders.”
Despite it being a mostly positive experience, Sonia is glad to move on to other things. The third season of her podcast No Such Thing As Normal and TV series My Family Mystery have both been funded, and she’s writing a book with Penguin Random House, although she has been so busy, she hasn’t had the time to do it.
Over the past few weeks, in the lead-up to the doco’s release, Sonia has had to watch rough cuts and admits the process has made her feel a little “rinsed”.
She confesses, “I have to be in a really good place, and I like to have my husband with me a lot of the time because I have to talk about really personal things and every time you rewatch it, you’re reliving it.”
Sonia on trying LSD
Would she microdose on LSD again?
“Possibly,” she reflects. “What I will say is that I’m very keen to explore other psychedelics to try to help understand what works so I can help other people.”
However, Sonia’s even more adamant she would only use these drugs in a controlled environment.
“I’m now acutely aware of the potential dangers of using drugs recreationally,” she says. “Through doing this documentary, I’ve seen how wrong it can go, and how there are so many things that need to line up to ensure that it’s a safe and positive experience.”
Sonia does believe the treatment is something that needs to be explored, though.
“Who are we to say that if people have tried everything and they’re suffering that they shouldn’t be given access to something else, another tool?” she reflects.
“What I hope is that people don’t go out and try to source psychedelics to treat themselves because it’s dangerous to play doctor. There are not a lot of legal options at present, but there are lots of trials that people can sign up for.”
Mind Menders premieres 8.30pm Sunday 8 June on Sky Open and streams on Neon.
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