Gorgeous Shortland Street actress Marianne Infante is a powerhouse – talented, passionate, loyal and busy. She’s all of those things irrespective of her height, yet she often she feels defined by her stature.
Crying as she tells Woman’s Day that she has long struggled with body dysmorphic disorder, Marianne – who plays Madonna Diaz on New Zealand’s longest- running soap – reveals she has sought counselling due to triggers of how she was teased during her school years.
Marianne, who is 150cm tall, says the trauma came flooding back after a medical crisis during a three-week holiday in Mauritius last month.
She suffered a severe attack of chronic gastritis and an abdominal infection, and was rushed into hospital. Marianne lost four kilograms in three days because she could only eat small amounts of puréed food. It also impacted a dream holiday with her partner Daryll and his family, and delayed their return to New Zealand.
Wiping away tears, the 28-year-old shares, “I have anxiety and then I get waves of body dysmorphia, and one is when I lose weight because of illness. It always messes with my head.
“I think the majority of my trigger with this stuff isn’t actually even about my weight – it’s my height, which is something I can’t control.
“It still blows my mind that people feel comfortable to comment on how you look. People were saying, ‘You look so good. You’re so tiny.’
“When people meet me in the supermarket or on the street, literally the first thing they say is, ‘Whoa! You’re a lot shorter than I thought you would be.’
“It takes me back to high school. It was probably one of the biggest chips on my shoulder when I was growing up. Just because people bullied me.
“I know that most of the time it’s coming from a place of endearment, but it doesn’t feel like that for someone who is physically and mentally vulnerable coming out of such a traumatic situation to hear someone be delighted when they say, ‘You’ve lost weight,’ or, ‘You got skinny.’
“Now I’m really quick to go, ‘Yeah, I was really sick. I thought I was dying.'”
Marianne and Daryll were in their last week of an idyllic trip when she was struck down.
“When you’re on holiday, you eat everything and my ‘in-laws’ were cooking feasts. After every meal, I was stuffed, the food was so good. My body just wasn’t used to all of the different types of food. On top of that, I caught a viral infection, which meant I couldn’t fight it off. I was in a lot of pain.”
Daryll’s parents got her in to see specialists and she had an emergency gastroscopy under general anaesthetic. She was in hospital for several days and the couple had to delay flights home.
“I wasn’t allowed to eat for days to help my stomach recover. I was on a puréed diet for weeks and I’m still in a bit of a fragile digestion situation.
“I was feeling weak and incapable, and that messes with my head. It’s almost like my brain has split personalities – one side is going, ‘You are capable. You are strong. You can do all of these things’. But I’m struggling to stand on my feet, to eat and to do fundamental things my body should be able to do.
“I’m quick to go, ‘Why is my body against me?’ But I’ve matured enough to know my body’s doing what it needs to and it warns me when something isn’t right.”
Part of Marianne’s healthy regime is regular exercise and she is shocked that she has taken to running, something she never expected.
“I had this image that people who run have long limbs,” she tells. “My body’s just not equipped for that – my body is good for squats.”
Wanting to prove herself wrong, Marianne and Daryll started running together. She has loved feeling her confidence grow and she’s now happy to run by herself. The pair signed up to do New Zealand’s largest fun run, Southern Cross Round the Bays, in Auckland on 3 March as “something for us to do, like a date activity”, with the couple planning to fundraise for Country Retreat Animal Sanctuary, a dog rescue centre close to Marianne’s heart.
“I’m excited to do Round the Bays, but I don’t have a specific time to do the 8.4 kilometres in. My new goal for 2024 is ‘no stress’. I don’t want to put pressure on myself.”
While holiday eating was a catalyst for this latest anxiety attack, when Marianne was diagnosed, it was triggered by the stress of her TV career taking off, juggling her own theatre business – Proudly Asian Theatre – and a major break-up after seven years.
“I got my dog Joey from Country Retreat Animal Sanctuary in October 2021, just before I was supposed to get married. Joey made it clear to me that this dog is giving me more love and satisfaction than my relationship.
“It was so heartbreaking. So much good happened and so much bad happened, and with the friction of struggle and joy, my body couldn’t figure out how to manage.”
She describes Joey as “the gift that kept on giving”, adding, “My dog saved me from walking down the aisle. Joey gave me a purpose to get out of bed. He showed me I am capable.”
Reflecting on the past six weeks, Marianne is grateful she was at her strongest and healthiest going into her holiday, but she has since vowed to not drink alcohol.
“Before, I’d drink maybe once or twice a month, so it’s not hard to give up. Caffeine though?!” she exclaims.
“It’s not just what I eat – it’s how I eat. I’m only allowed such small portions, so I have to eat more often. That’s really challenging with shooting Shorty. It’s just about discipline.
“For me to thrive, I need to make sure that my cup is overflowing, and that will then trickle down to my theatre work and my screen work – they give me joy. And that joy translates to a lot of unspoken healing. It’s my brain food. It’s my heart food.”
To enter Southern Cross Round the Bays, go to roundthebays.co.nz.
If you’re struggling with your mental health, text or call 1737 at any time to speak to a trained counsellor for free.
