She’s a comedian who’s performed all around the world and even took out Aotearoa’s prestigious Billy T Award last year. She’s also a writer who’s penned episodes for 7 Days and Shortland Street.
Abby Howells is clearly talented – and seeing her make people howl with laughter on stage, you’d think the 33-year-old was a supremely confident woman without a care in the world. But you’d be wrong.
For many years, Abby felt like a misfit, until age 31, when she was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and all the things she found confusing and frightening began to make sense.
“Growing up, I felt like an alien,” the Dunedin-born star admits. “It was as if everyone else had been told the rules of a game and they were all playing it. Then I’d come in, not knowing the rules, but I’d have to play the game as if I did know them. I’d watch everyone else to see what they were doing, then emulate the things people seemed to like, while hoping desperately no one noticed I had no idea.”
It’s a tough strategy to live with 24/7, although on the plus side, Abby’s disorder saw her take deep dives into a diverse range of interests as a youngster.
“As a kid, I was obsessed with musicals,” she laughs. “My biggest dream was to be a musical theatre performer, although I’m not that good at singing or dancing, which was a bit of a road block!”
Abby’s intense passion for very specific things was eventually what gave her an inkling that she should investigate her inner workings.
She tells, “I’ve always had strong special interests – like, I loved Blackadder, so I watched all the episodes continuously until I could recite every word. The Tudor royal family was another big love and I’d spend hours alone in my room researching Henry VIII.”
Which is partly how Abby came to be diagnosed.
“I’d read an article about autism in women and I identified with almost every trait, like my strong preference for alone time, having difficulty with eye contact and the development of personal rituals. Everything made sense about why I struggled with some things and why I was good at others. Luckily, my GP took me seriously and referred me to a psychologist.”
Upon being diagnosed, Abby’s overriding feeling was relief. “I also felt grief for all the times I’d been hard on myself. When I’d called myself a freak or a loser, or berated myself for not being able to do things that were easy for other people. For example, most people love parties, but I’d get so worked up about going to them and then hated them while I was there. Now I know why.”
Abby’s diagnosis helped the comedian be kinder to herself.
“I definitely don’t think of myself as a freak or a failure any more! Instead, I’m someone on the autism spectrum, which isn’t such a bad thing.”
Although Abby doesn’t take any medication, she has made certain lifestyle adjustments.
“I eat almost exactly the same thing every day,” she smiles. “In the past, I’d think I needed to mix it up more because ‘normal’ people eat different stuff every day, but now I just accept the way I eat.”
Another positive to emerge from her diagnosis was Abby creating a show called La Soupco. She says, “I came across a journal I wrote when I was 11, where I’d written a screenplay called La Soupco.
It was a genuine attempt at an Oscar-winning drama, set in the wake of World War II. It’s really funny and some parts of it are terrible, but it’s also compelling and I thought it’d be fun to bring it to life.”
Part of La Soupco depicts a young girl coming to terms with her autism, although Abby notes that, even now, she gets self-conscious about sharing her diagnosis with others.
“I’m still not very good at communicating about it. I’m reticent to express the things that are difficult for me for fear of being a bother. I worry people won’t want to work with me. But I do need to talk about it because when I do, people are very supportive.”
Looking to the future, Abby is excited about taking La Soupco to the Hamilton Arts Festival this month and the Melbourne Comedy Fest in March, then she’s on a mission to create more award-winning comedy. Oh, and now she’s got a grip on her mental health, it’s time to sort out her dental health.
“I want to keep doing stand-up to push myself and get better,” she says of the year ahead. “And I really need to go to the dentist!”
Abby performs at the Hamilton Arts Festival on Sunday 25 February. For more info and tickets, visit hamiltonartsfestival.co.nz.
