They both came from pretty normal families, not aristocratic backgrounds. They both had to put up with criticism and interference from palace courtiers, who are often the real power behind the throne.
Yet when their marriages to princes changed their lives, one adjusted brilliantly and the other lasted less than two years as a working member of the royal family.
Now, royal household staff, who see what goes on behind the scenes, have revealed why they think Catherine, Princess of Wales, has become one of the most beloved members of the Windsor family, while Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, no longer has anything to do with The Firm.
“Kate is actually a much stronger person than Meghan in many ways,” a staffer told author Tom Quinn for his tell-all book Yes Ma’am: The Secret Life of Royal Servants.
Prince William’s wife had a very different attitude to becoming a member of the royal family and took a careful approach.
She is “someone who slowly and carefully absorbs the atmosphere of a place, the relationship between people and the rules”, says the source. And she was prepared to be coached, not just by William, who wanted her to avoid the problems his mother, Princess Diana, had encountered when she married into the family, but by the staff, who have deep insights into how things run.
“Kate was always happy to accept advice both from the lower staff, with whom she got on very well, and from the courtiers, even though some of them were initially very snooty about her. It was the same kind of backbiting, gossipy criticism that Meghan had to put up with.
“Yet what Meghan saw as Kate being pushed around, Kate saw as an essential part of being a member of the royal family.”
They added that Meghan, 43, thought she knew better than an institution that had existed for more than a thousand years, but Kate, 43, accepted what she was getting into when she said yes to William’s proposal.
One of the late Queen Elizabeth’s former courtiers told Tom that senior staff were worried when it became clear that Meghan’s plans for life as a working royal were incompatible with how things had been done for many years. They added that the American former Suits actor didn’t understand that becoming royal means “you don’t do as you please, you do as you’re told”.
Another staffer says Meghan announced, “What Diana started, I want to finish,” referring to the charity and humanitarian work for which her husband, Prince Harry’s mother, was renowned. But she only wanted to work part-time, they claim.
Her focus was on becoming the most loved royal and she wanted to “rise to the top” in her own way, says a staffer who worked for the Sussexes before they left for the US.
Meghan turned away offers of help from the Queen, who suggested her lady-in-waiting, Lady Susan Hussey or Harry’s aunt, Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh, could show her the ropes.
Her “Meghan-knows-best” attitude upset the staff at Kensington Palace, who did not like how she would take charge, despite her lack of knowledge of how everything was run.
“It was extraordinary because she was so confident that you could see she wanted to run the meeting, rather than learn about the royal family through the meeting. She was a great believer in grabbing the bull by the horns, except the royal family is not really a bull.”
Some staff branded her “Duchess Difficult”, but she did have her supporters, points out Tom. Some liked her feisty and “change-hungry” nature, and approved of someone articulate and sophisticated who spoke out about causes like human rights, gender equality and the #MeToo movement.
But the insistent way she used her position as a royal to promote what she believed in raised eyebrows. Tom says palace staff split into two camps – for and against Meghan – creating an atmosphere of “rumours, gossip and backbiting”.
Like Meghan, Kate was always determined to use her role to make a difference but went about it in a much less strident way. She bided her time until she found causes that resonated with her, like early childhood development, and then took on board guidance about how best to highlight them.
The Princess of Wales is as strong as Meghan when it comes to supporting what she believes in, but a lot more subtle.
One ex-staffer quoted in Tom’s book says, “Kate is Meghan Markle without the messianic complex.”
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