While romantic grand gestures are always impressive, popular broadcaster Robert Rakete, 59, and his wife Nicole, 51, have realised what it truly means to stay committed to one another in sickness and in health. And that sometimes, the most profound love is actually found in a hand helping you up the stairs as the day ends.
In the months after they wed on New Year’s Eve 2010, Nikki was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA). It’s a chronic autoimmune disease in which the immune system mistakenly attacks the body. This causes painful, swollen, and stiff joints, along with fatigue and a range of other symptoms.
“My RA really peaked when my kids and I moved to Auckland,” recalls Nikki, a dean and visual art teacher, who was living in Palmerston North when she and The Breeze breakfast host began a long-distance relationship.
“I had this pain that wandered around my body, but I had no idea what it was. At that point, I couldn’t walk down gradients. My knees were all swollen, so getting up and down the stairs was horrific. “But six months after moving in together, the pain was constant. I tried all sorts of diets to help inflammation, like taking out starch and drinking celery juice. (“Which means whatever she was on, I was on too,” quips Robert.) “The doctor who diagnosed me said if I didn’t get it sorted out, I’d be in a wheelchair in 10 years. When you’re hearing that at 36 with a young family, I knew I had to fight.”
When her body turned against her
While Nikki went in and out of remission for 10 years, an RA flare-up returned with a vengeance during Covid lockdown. One day she went outside to garden and after an hour her hands “blew up”.
She explains, “Over time, it became pain in my jaw, knees, shoulders… I couldn’t raise my arms. I couldn’t cut veges, open cans or take things out of cupboards. I couldn’t put my bra on or roll over in bed in the middle of the night, so Robert always helped me to do those things.”
Real compassion
“It was a level of compassion that goes past just being in love with someone,” adds Nikki, her eyes welling up with emotion.
“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without him. He truly cared for me during a horrific time. “I also used to get really upset and think, ‘He’s not going to want to be with me like this!’ I was no longer a functioning human and your identity gets stripped away. “As an art teacher, I didn’t know how I was going to paint if I couldn’t hold a brush. I remember having this huge meltdown because I feared this was the way my body might be forever.”
Seeing the struggle up close
Of course, for her doting husband, it was really hard to see.
“I admired the strength she brought to battle every day,” says Robert.
“We had to strap her hands every single night because otherwise in the morning she’d be waking with her hands fused into a fist. Watching her push through was really inspirational for me.”
Thankfully, Nikki is now mostly pain-free and injects herself every week with the government-funded drug Enbrel, to slow disease progression. (Without the subsidy, she would have to pay nearly $2000 a month.) She now says no when needed, putting her sleep, rest, and quiet time first.
Creating quiet space at home
“We now have this rule,” says Robert, smiling.
“No questions are to be asked when Nikki gets home. She gets asked questions all day at school from her students. So the last thing she wants at 5pm is me or [son] Finn asking, ‘Where’s the tomato sauce?’, or, ‘Have we paid that bill?’”
“So Nikki comes home, turns on her music and we all leave her alone to have space so she has that time to defrag. When the music turns off, we know she’s ready to talk to us.”
Laughter through the tough times
Staying positive takes on a different meaning when you’re dealing with chronic disease, agree the optimistic pair. It helps that they both share a quirky sense of humour – Nikki is known to “down-trou” her husband while he’s cooking and laugh at “really inappropriate” jokes.
“To be able to laugh together is everything because it gets you through the sh***y times,” says Robert.
“Nikki is the funniest and kindest person I know. “I tell her she has empathetic eyebrows because she just has a wonderful way with people. She meets strangers who suddenly share openly with her like she’s a therapist.”
Koro and Kuia life
There’s also the joy that comes with being Koro and Kuia to their gorgeous granddaughter Te Raumawhitu, who turns five this year.
“She’s so smart, so curious and just incredible,” gushes Robert proudly.
“I also see a lot of my mum Diane in her, who passed away in 2017. And, oh man, our kids were never allowed to eat on the couch – ever! But Te Raumawhitu now sits on our leather couch with chocolate in one hand and mashed banana in the other. “Our other kids are like, ‘Hang on a minute!’ But I tell them, ‘It’s my grandchild, she can do whatever she wants!’”
Last November, the couple moved into a new home on Auckland’s North Shore, something that felt a little “weird” for self-proclaimed South Auckland boy Robert.
“Nikki and I were both raised in similar decile one areas,” he shares.
“She’s from Highbury in Palmy and I’m from Ōtara, so there’s an appreciation for how lucky we are, and what amazing communities and families we grew up in.”
Not looking, but still a catch
After his first marriage ended, Robert, who is of Ngāpuhi descent, says he wasn’t in a hurry to find love again. But when you’re like the father of morning radio and people know you’re a single dad, everyone wants to play matchmaker.
“Because obviously I’m a real catch,” he says, erupting into laughter.
“Whenever a blind date was suggested to me, I was like, ‘Yeah nah.’ I didn’t feel the need to be with somebody again.”
When friends take matters into their own hands
But Robert Scott, his breakfast co-host at the time, pressed on regardless. He and his wife Carmel were mutual friends with Nikki, who they thought would be perfect for the radio star, despite living in different cities. Nikki didn’t know that someone had passed on her contact details – and she ignored them.
“Robert Scott asked me again at work if I had gotten in touch with Nikki,” recalls Robert.
“When I said no, he found her photo on Facebook and turned the screen around. I went, ‘Ohhh, heyyyy’ and promptly slid into her DMs. We just talked for ages and ages.”
The first date sparks
Nikki never grew up watching Robert hosting TV’s RTR Countdown. She admits having to google him when all her friends did a double-take as to the new man she was dating. They didn’t meet in person right away; their first date was a group dinner, giving them backup conversation if sparks didn’t fly. They needn’t have worried. Everyone at the table could see there were no awkward silences and the sparks were obviously flying.
Nikki grins as she recalls seeing Robert in person.
A little fella
“My first thought was, ‘Oh, he’s a little fella!’”
He quips, “Yup, I’m a ‘short king’ as the kids call it.”
As the romance quickly developed, the pair then had to make the call about continuing long-distance or Nikki moving up to Auckland with her two children to give their relationship the best shot.
“When you’ve got kids, you don’t want people traipsing in and out of their lives,” she tells.
“I wanted to be pretty certain that if I’m bringing a new person into their world, they’re someone very special. It’s a huge commitment. But I was willing to take the risk.”
Bringing the kids together
“We decided to bring the kids together to meet in early 2010. We rented a place in Taupō for a week – because it’s halfway – and let them spend time with each other to see how it was going to go. “At the time, Robert’s eldest child Emmy was 18, but the other four were close in age and all under 10. Thankfully, they got on really well.”
The following year, Robert and Nikki became engaged. Three months later, they exchanged vows in Rarotonga.
Fifteen years later
Now, 15 years on, with a beautiful blended whānau, including Nikki’s children – Finn, 24 and Huia, 21, along with Robert’s children Emmy, 33, Bella, 26, and Oliver, 21 – the prospect of being empty-nesters also often looms, but so far, there’s always been at least one child living with them.
Huia is currently flatting and studying in Wellington, Finn is a personal trainer, Emmy has a PhD and is a university lecturer, Bella runs a tech company called Digitaonga and Oliver is studying radio at AUT.
“We’ve always wanted the kids to feel as if we are their greatest supporters and that they can talk to us about anything,” says Nikki.
“And my kids love Robert. My ex adores him too!”
Robert adds, “And my kids feel the same about Nikki. She’s not just an incredible stepmum – she is the heart, the glue and the morals of our whānau. And I get to grow old with her!”
You can listen to Robert and Jeanette Thomas on The Breeze Auckland 93.4FM from 6-10am weekdays.
