It’s his final gift to the people of New Zealand. On Tuesday, September 30, Nigel Latta’s book Lessons on Living went into bookstores around the country. He died from cancer that same day.
In his three decades as a clinical psychologist turned author and broadcaster, Nigel, 58, touched the lives of hundreds of thousands of Kiwis with his wisdom and insights on everything from parenting to avoiding being scammed.
Among the thousands of tributes that poured in on social media after his wife Natalie Flynn shared the sad news about his death, were posts from people who spoke of how he helped them through tough times, particularly when it came to raising kids. They described his books as a lifeline, thanked him for being a reassuring voice in a chaotic world, and praised his compassion, kindness and humour.
A final gift to New Zealand
“What a fabulous human he was,” wrote one.
“What a loss to the nation.”
And now Nigel has left us with a profoundly wise, deeply personal explanation of the tools he used to navigate the ups and downs of his life with strength, resilience and joy, and which he hoped others might find helpful.
Lessons on living: Nigel’s key principles
Lessons on Living explores the three key principles that made such a difference to him.
The first is: Drive the bus, or in other words, don’t be a passenger in your own life.
The second: Focus on the things you can control.
And third: Teamwork – the best work we ever do is with other people.
Alex Hedley, publishing director at HarperCollins, who has released most of Nigel’s books, including his much-acclaimed The Politically Incorrect Guide to Parenting, says Nigel helped to raise a generation of Kiwis.
“He was an incredible person – he was so generous right to the last moment. He leaves the nation with a beautiful gift in the shape of his new book, a marvellous insight into his life well-lived with joy and consideration to what matters most.”
Facing life and illness with courage
In the intro to Lessons on Living – which Nigel started writing after learning last year that he had terminal stomach cancer – he said, despite having the disease and dealing with the brutal treatment, he felt “deeply and profoundly lucky”.
“I have lived a full and interesting life so far. I wanted to see the far edges of it all, the extremes that exist in the world, life and death and everything in between… and I have.”
Nigel was born and raised in Oamaru, and after initially doing degrees in zoology and marine biology, he went on to postgraduate studies in psychology. In 2003, after a decade as a psychologist, much of it working with violent offenders, he wrote Into the Darklands: Unveiling the Predators Among Us. He later hosted the TV show Beyond the Darklands, and began sharing his insights into lighter subject matter like parenting in other books and TV shows.
His impact through media and parenting
TVNZ says it heard regularly from viewers about the impact Nigel’s programmes had on their lives. He also worked for years on the parenting app Parentland, which uses evidence-based strategies to support child-rearing and was delighted when it was finally released earlier this year.
Nigel was much in demand as a public speaker and in 2012 was appointed an Officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit for services as a psychologist. In September last year, Nigel revealed he had been diagnosed earlier in the year with stomach cancer and given six to 12 months to live. He underwent a gruelling regimen of treatment, including chemotherapy and immuno-therapy, and in an update in March said he had responded well to “wonder drugs”.
“I’m that guy who got given the terrible prognosis but I’m going to be around for a long time,” he said.
A life remembered
“I’m that guy who got given the terrible prognosis but I’m going to be around for a long time,” he said.
Sadly, the cancer resurfaced. In her message giving the tragic news that he’d died, Natalie, also a clinical psychologist, wrote, “Farewell, my great love. You were never dying – just living until the moment you weren’t. You fought cancer with enormous bravery. You’ve spent your life helping others in need. And now it’s your turn to rest.”
The post said that Nigel had passed away with the same dignity and positivity he carried throughout his life, and would be dearly missed by Natalie, daughter Rina, son Kieran and stepchildren Elijah, Maya and Leon.
Nigel described Natalie as the reason he kept fighting and paid tribute to her “warm and constant love”.
His final message
In his final words in Lessons on Living, Nigel said he wanted to leave readers with one last thing: “There is only one metric that really matters when we measure ourselves against the way we’ve chosen to live our lives. In the end, there is only love.”
Lessons on Living by Nigel Latta is available to buy at Paperplus, Mighty Ape, and Amazon.
