Photography: Robert Trathen
For the first time in her life, Mea Motu has her guard down. For years, the world champion and mother of five hid the truth – her “heart was hurting” after a decade of horrific domestic abuse and living in fear.
Believing in toughness, both in and out of the ring, was the only answer, thought Mea, 35.
“Physical hurt was fine, but I was suppressing my pain, my anger, my feelings and my mental health,” she tells Woman’s Day.
“I didn’t know how to deal with it.”
Counselling changed everything
At the urging of her boxing coach Isaac Peach, Mea finally tried counselling and says the results have been transformational.
“Now it’s the best thing I do,” she enthuses.
“I go every week without fail. It’s a safe place to express myself. It’s given me a better understanding of others.”
Mea’s even convinced her older children to give it a try.
“It’s helped them be prepared for school and for bullying, as well as to have the coping mechanisms for whatever comes at them in life.”
Recovering stronger than ever
Not only is Mea’s family thriving, but she’s also fully recovered from the severe pneumonia and deep vein thrombosis that left her hospitalised in January. After an enforced rest, she’s “smashing” her fitness and has recently taken up running.
“By looking after my mental health, I’ve learned to look after my body as well,” she shares.
Now boxing in a heavier weight class, she’s eagerly anticipating her bout at home in Auckland next month. Mea’s talking about her mental health journey in the Moments That Matter podcast, which launches this week as part of Mental Health Awareness Week.
“Once I start talking, I don’t know how to stop!” she laughs.
“Talking about my past brings up emotions, and that’s fine because I have the tools and the guidance to deal with that.”
A decade of trauma
For 10 years, Mea was in an abusive relationship with her ex-husband, whom she married at 17. She credits her children with twice saving her life. There were times when she was homeless, living in her car and relying on relatives to help take care of her five kids. Even after her husband was imprisoned, his gang ties continued to haunt her.
Although she thought she was releasing all her anger and hurt through boxing, which she took up seriously in 2020, coach Isaac recognised the mental strain she was under and suggested she try therapy.
“I’d always thought counselling was for weak people who can’t handle life,” she admits.
“It was how I was raised – you just don’t go there. I was told to be tough, be silent and just go to my room.”
Finding strength through therapy
While she kept delaying her first counselling session, when she finally got up the courage, she was worked up.
“I was anxious and sweaty when I arrived,” says the Celebrity Treasure Island star.
“I didn’t think I could do it. But my counsellor was great. As we talked, I slowly brought my guard down and she started to get to know me. Then I asked myself, ‘Why didn’t I do this long ago?’” Mea says counselling empowers her confidence.
“I go in there for an hour and let all the emotions out,” she reveals.
“I had to learn that healing old trauma – embracing and nurturing it – freed me to become the strong and independent woman I am now.”
Passing on the lesson of therapy
Sitting in a food court while her eldest daughter Lani gets her nails done for her 17th birthday, Mea explains how she recently arranged for her children to have counselling sessions too.
“Lani was very shy, but now she’s confident in who she is,” Mea says.
“She’s not afraid to express if she’s struggling and she knows it’s OK to cry. I want to make sure if she gets into a relationship, she’s able to talk to me. And if a man ever hits her, she’s not afraid to tell me.”
Raising resilient, confident kids
Of Te Rarawa descent, Mea loved her early years in Northland’s Pukepoto, but she struggled to adjust when she moved to Auckland in high school. It’s why today she’s focusing on teaching her children how to be both resilient and vulnerable.
“My parents were hard on me,” she recalls.
“I always felt like I was stupid or not good enough. If my children say they’ve failed, I tell them it’s all about their efforts. I’m proud of them for giving it a go.”
And Mea’s proud that after all they’ve endured, they’ve grown into a much closer family.
To listen to the Moments That Matter podcast, go to youtube.com/@mhfnz.
Need to talk? Call or text 1737. For Women’s Refuge Crisisline, phone 0800 REFUGE.
