There’s a yellow-loving, tutu-wearing, fiercely independent little girl at the centre of Lizzie Marvelly’s world, inspiring her to be more intentional than ever about how she shows up as a mother, wife, woman and role model for the next generation.
“I’m in this kind of moment of epiphanies,” says Lizzie, 36, talking about her daughter Ellis with wife Lisa Gerrard, 46.
“I’m so conscious she’s four, going to school next year, and these years have really flown. I feel so blessed. Ellis is hilarious, absolutely and utterly keeps Lisa and me on our toes, and is just such a joy.”
Reflecting on her and Lisa’s role as parents, Lizzie says one of the things they’ve tried hardest to instil is the importance of always being true to yourself.
“She decides and feels very strongly about things, and really blazes her own path,” says Lizzie.
“Today she put on a yellow tutu skirt with a blue dress on top, Paw Patrol track pants and her bright yellow Crocs. Lisa and I just looked at each other, had a moment, then were like, ‘Cool, if this is what she wants to wear, there’s no practical reason not to, so off you go.’”
Building confidence that lasts a lifetime
Former classical singer Lizzie, who’s now the CEO of GirlGuiding New Zealand, is deeply aware of how easily confidence can be eroded by societal pressures and expectations. So she’s determined to give Ellis and Tilly, Lisa’s 19-year-old daughter, an unshakeable foundation.
“For so many of us as women, we’ve had various experiences that make us question who we are or make us think we need to be different, or not take up too much space,” she reflects.
“We’re really trying to honour who they are and not make them fit into other people’s ideas of them.”
Making family time non-negotiable
Lizzie and lawyer Lisa are also both juggling demanding careers, but they work just as hard to protect their family time. Dinner together nightly, without devices, is a non-negotiable and regular dog walks with their Labrador Awhi help when everyone needs a reset.
“It’s tricky being a whānau where both parents are working full-time and have a lot of responsibility,” admits Lizzie, who was at home full-time with Ellis for the first two years.
“When she was born, I wasn’t even a helicopter parent. I was a hovercraft parent. Helicopter parenting was too far away – I had to be hovering right there.”
A wake-up call for modern parents
After reading Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation, she really resonated with the concept that “we’re under-protecting our children online and over-protecting them in the real world”.
Lizzie explains, “It forced a real moment of change in my parenting when Ellis was about two, and I realised yes, I have to protect her from doing serious damage, but also I can step back and let her climb the playground ladder without me anywhere nearby.”
Becoming parents tested the couple in ways they hadn’t anticipated, forcing them to rethink communication, roles and expectations – especially as a same-sex couple navigating a world still shaped by traditional norms.
Love pressure and growth under one roof
“Diamonds are made shiny under pressure, which is basically what happened to us,” says Lizzie.
Today, their partnership is a conscious priority for them as the foundation of their family.
“One of the things I love about Lisa is that she brings a different perspective and 10 years more experience,” tells Lizzie.
“And she loves me enough and has learned that often she will say something and be 100 percent right, but I am not ready to accept that. I have to do some processing myself first.”
Learning the power of taking a pause
More recently, she realised that, given their different communication styles, sometimes the best option is to stop talking and take a breather before returning to the issue at hand.
“That’s quite a recent realisation for me because poor Lisa has had to deal with me wanting to talk in depth about everything for a long time,” laughs Lizzie.
“But that doesn’t really work for her or me, and definitely not our relationship.”
It’s taken Lizzie and Lisa many years to truly learn how to communicate well, and they hope that, with their guidance, it will come much more easily for their daughters.
Breaking cycles and building better habits
“I really want them to have better tools about how to relationship,” enthuses Lizzie.
“It feels really urgent to me, whether it’s through my mahi or my own daughters, I want all young women to know that they are so powerful and valuable, and don’t believe anyone if they tell you you’re not.”
