Kilakila Parnell Photography.
At one week old, most babies have only just arrived home from hospital, but for little Zahli Poihipi, she was about to head off overseas! Nine days after her birth, she boarded a long-haul flight to Japan with her rugby star parents Grace and Rameka “Rum” Poihipi.
“It was probably the best time to fly,” laughs former Black Ferns player Grace (née Steinmetz), 28.
“She slept the whole time.”
Eight months on, the young family is firmly finding their feet as they navigate life as first-time parents while Rum, 27, plays rugby for the Black Rams Tokyo club. Though moving countries is never easy,
even without a newborn, the athletes insist waiting for Zahli to grow older was out of the question.
“I wasn’t going to stay in New Zealand for three months while her visa was issued, especially with a nine-day-old baby,” says Grace.
“Taking Rum away from those moments with his daughter just wasn’t an option.”
Building a new life far from home
Instead, they packed up their lives and became something of a case study for how to relocate a brand-new baby into Japan’s famously complex bureaucracy.
“It was full-on,” Grace admits.
“There was admin, paperwork, health insurance… Japan doesn’t make it easy.”
With no family nearby, the couple knew they needed to create their own support system quickly.
“We live in an area with a few other foreign rugby families, mostly Kiwis and Aussies,” says Grace.
“There’s heaps of kids and it’s become our little village.”
A sense of community has been vital during those tougher moments of new parenthood.
“The past couple of months, her sleep has been like having a newborn again,” Grace says.
“She’s been waking every two hours. But she’s a very happy baby. Even when she’s overtired, she’s still having a great time.”
Discovering everyday life in Japan
While the couple had visited Japan before, living there has brought a new appreciation for the culture. Former Chiefs and Māori All Blacks star Rum laughs, “If you left your laptop at a café, it would still be there two days later!”
Grace adds, “I lost Rum’s wallet at Costco and the money was still in it when we got it back.”
That level of honesty and obedience has shaped how the family lives on the outskirts of Tokyo – from strictly obeying pedestrian crossings to carrying cash in a society where cards aren’t king.
“We just want to respect their way of doing things,” Grace explains.
As Zahli thrives, both are surprised by how fast everything changes.
“We almost forget what she was like a few weeks ago,” says Grace.
Laughing, Rum adds, “I don’t know what I used to do with all my time.”
Figuring out parenting
But they’re figuring out parenthood as they go.
“We don’t really have a routine,” Grace admits.
“When she’s tired, we help her sleep. When she’s hungry, we feed her. We want her to fit into our life, not the other way around.”
While Rum has returned to the field following knee surgery, Grace has found a new purpose. After retiring from rugby due to concussion and a brain bleed, she’s turned her focus to launching a sports agency and training for a Hyrox fitness competition in South Korea.
“It was bittersweet watching Rum go back to playing because I realised Zahli will never get to watch me play rugby,” she says.
Looking ahead
But instead of dwelling on what’s been lost, Grace is focusing on what’s ahead.
“It might not be rugby, but it’s still showing that Mum can do hard things too. And Grace’s days are packed. “Zahli’s a full-time job as it is,” she grins.
“It’s hard to get anything done.”
But she’s making it work thanks to a trusted “life agent”, who helps navigate everything from translations to doctor’s appointments and has become like a nanny. Working with her is all part of the couple’s bigger vision of eventually helping other players transition into overseas careers.
Of course, there are moments when the distance from home feels too far, but it makes their family reunions back in Aotearoa more special. And for now, Japan feels like the right place to be.
“We love it,” Rum says.
“If the opportunity came up to stay, we’d take it.”
