Sabby Jey seems to have it all – running two thriving companies, supporting her family and memories of a recent Bali adventure. Yet behind the scenes, the 31-year-old reality star and influencer continues the work to overcome physical, mental and emotional trauma.
From reality TV to real-life struggles
While she was sent home from The Bachelor NZ in 2021, then tried her luck on reality show The Ex Best Thing. Where exes helped each other find new love, off camera, Sabby’s life was unravelling.
Following a car accident that saw her wake up on the side of the road with facial injuries after being pulled from her smoking car. She underwent the first of multiple reconstructive operations around her eyes and began concussion rehab.
Shockingly, just two weeks later, she was sexually assaulted by a man she’d met on Instagram. They had been on one date before the car accident and she was flattered when he offered to bring her flowers.
“He was an athlete and verified [on social media],” she confides.
“He didn’t touch me the first time we met, so I didn’t think he’d be dodgy. It was a violent sexual assault that put me in a really bad headspace.”
Living in fear and pain
Sabby, whose parents emigrated from Sri Lanka to New Zealand as refugees. Confided in her Bachelor friends and reported the incident to the police.
“He and his friends intimidated me,” she says.
“That, on top of recovering from the accident, put me in a really dark place.”
Diagnosed with PTSD after the assault. Sabby was also battling migraines and light sensitivity from her car accident, making it challenging to go outdoors, socialise or look at a computer screen.
“It was the worst, waking up every day in physical and mental pain, and not knowing how to get out of it. I had no hope. I blamed myself for not being as mindful as I should’ve been while driving and for putting myself in a situation with a man I barely knew. A moment of carelessness can completely change your life.”
Rock bottom behind closed doors
During the early stages of her recovery, she says she stayed in her room for a year. Her weight went from 42kg to 62kg and she was diagnosed with high cholesterol.
“My way of coping was binge-eating fast food and moping,” Sabby admits.
She also let go client, influencer and acting opportunities in Tamil language films.
With her depression deepening, her friends and family became concerned about her wellbeing. Then fate intervened. On the same day she reached her lowest point, she was invited by 1News to do an interview on why women should be mindful about cosmetic surgery.
“It made me realise there are women who look at my life and want to improve theirs, meaning I still have a lot to give and should get out of the dark space.”
Small steps to healing
Beginning with short increments of work, she started overhauling her health by consulting a dietician and trainer who recommended 10-minute workouts. Yet it wasn’t until she travelled to Bali last year that the dark feelings and her weight finally began to shift. She spent two months at a fitness retreat, where she worked out twice daily, kicked her fast-food habit, consulted energy healers and continued rebuilding her career.
When Sabby returned home, she felt mentally rejuvenated and developed a new regime, working out three times weekly, and starting a low-calorie diet that included dishes such as coconut milk- based curries and shakshuka eggs. She also gave up alcohol and has dropped a further 17kg since that trip.
Rebuilding from the inside out
“It wasn’t about weight loss, but feeling healthy, disciplined and strong,” she says.
“I felt so confident, I was able to pivot my career and in six months earn back the money I lost in two years of not working because my mental health was better.”
She also consulted a therapist and held a spiritual cord-cutting ceremony to sever ties with the man who assaulted her. She has closed the legal investigation into the incident – which became so stressful, she developed shingles – to protect her mental wellbeing and refocus on helping other victims.
“When it comes to assault, the system isn’t built to protect women of colour,” she tells.
“If they hadn’t laid charges after two years, were they ever going to? “Sometimes it’s about letting go and healing, which I’m doing by helping others. Instead of me fighting one person, I can advocate for 1000.”
A message of hope
Sabby is sharing her story in the hope it inspires other women going through difficult times to know that they will one day find their feet.
“I wouldn’t be the woman I am or have done the work I’ve done without everything I went through,” she shares.
“I hope it shows women that even in their darkest moments, there’s a way out. You can bounce back 10 times better.”
For help with sexual harm, call 0800 044 334, text 4334 or visit safetotalk.nz.
