Gina Fabish
They say it’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters, and for former Shortland Street sweethearts Becky McEwan and Jay Kiriona, who were loves both on and off screen, that couldn’t be more true.
After a traumatic miscarriage in 2022, the couple – who played tempestuous lovebirds Tess and Prince on the long- running drama – are now preparing to welcome their first child next month.
Becoming parents has always been something the young couple dreamed of, but they never anticipated the journey to get there would be so heartbreaking.
After leaving the soap together in dramatic fashion in December 2021, Becky and Jay felt like they had the world at their feet. With plans to travel overseas and the excitement of Becky’s first pregnancy, the couple set off on a road trip around the South Island to celebrate the end of filming.
“We were in a campervan and having the best time down one side of the island, but when we got to the East Coast, all that changed,” recalls Becky as tears begin to well in her eyes and Jay puts his arm around her reassuringly. “We got COVID and a week later, I miscarried at 11 weeks, although the baby had actually died at six and a half weeks.”
After closing the door on Shorty, the couple have had plenty of time to think about the parents they want to be.
Isolating in their van and far away from their strong, supportive family network back home in New Plymouth, Becky and Jay had never felt more alone.
“It was the hardest thing I’ve been through,” shares Becky. “I’ve been lucky that I haven’t had anything super-traumatic in my life, so it was the first time I’d experienced grief. Even if we hadn’t been isolated in a campervan, I still would have felt that way because it’s like no one understands how you’re feeling.
“That was my baby. There was no closure, no funeral and nothing to help us heal.”
Jay leans into Becky as she says this and wipes away his own tears.
“For me, first and foremost was taking care of Becky, but I was totally aware at the time that I was struggling too. We had 11 weeks of thinking about our future, what that was going to look like and how we were going to live. It’s difficult because we felt like that was completely taken away from us.”
Becky can’t wait to meet her little one, while Jay vows to take “no offence if she’s mean” while giving birth!
Isolation over, the pair tried to carry on with everyday life. They recall a particularly hard day visiting a Christchurch zoo, smiling and posing for photos with fans, while inside they both felt like their lives had imploded.
Unsure how to process their grief, the couple decided to write a letter to their unborn baby and while it was difficult, they both felt it was healing. They also got a matching cosmos tattooed on their forearms, the birth flower for October, in memory of when their first baby was due.
Once home in New Plymouth, Becky watched a lot of first-person YouTube accounts from women who had also experienced miscarriages, and related to their stories about feeling grief and guilt.
“I know it’s not rational, but my family and Jay were so excited about the baby, and I felt like my body had let people down,” tells Becky.
Knowing that they both needed a fresh start away from the limelight and constant questions about when they might start a family, the pair moved to Melbourne, where Becky worked as a personal trainer and Jay set up a video production company.
“Mentally, we started healing while we were there,” says Becky. “Physically, I got healthy again and we both started to take better care of ourselves. I was helping train people and didn’t want to be a fraud. I wanted to inspire other people and that fulfilled me.”
The couple will have lots of support from family in New Plymouth.
A year on from their first pregnancy, the couple decided it was time to try again and were surprised to discover they had conceived in their first month, although this time, their excitement was tempered by experience.
“You lose your innocence around pregnancy and what it means after a miscarriage,” Becky explains. “It felt like other people were more excited for us than we were.”
But after multiple scans and reaching the 12-week mark, the pair decided it was time to celebrate. “We found out we were having a girl, so we went and brought an Easter Bunny dress – it was the cutest thing in the store,” says Becky, laughing at the memory.
Now happily living back home in New Plymouth and close to extended family, they are finally reflecting again on what a future as parents will be like.
“I want to be a loving, nourishing dad and help my kids to be the best version of themselves,” asserts Jay. “Sometimes that will involve loving them, and other times pushing them to dig deeper and challenge themselves.”
Incredibly close to her own mother, who will be a grandmother for the first time come February, Becky hopes she can have the same relationship with her daughter as she grows up.
“I want to be the person she can go to and talk to about anything,” says Becky. “I want to be a non-judgemental parent, and open to whoever my child is and however they express themselves.”
One thing they won’t be doing is enjoying a TV dinner watching Shorty.
Tells Becky, “We haven’t actually watched it since we left the show. We want to be a dinner-around-the- table kind of family and not dinner-around-the-TV. I had that growing up and really valued that time each night with my parents.”
But before all this, the pair have childbirth to get through. As someone who says she has to be “nearly dying” before she’ll even take Panadol, Becky’s hoping for a natural birth, but she’s pragmatic about the experience also.
“Plan A is natural, but I’ll be happy to do whatever needs to happen.”
Jay just plans on doing whatever he’s told and “taking no offence if she’s mean”!
