Pictures: Kellie Blizard.
It’s the most mundane activities that bring rugby star DJ Forbes and his wife Lisa the most joy – going grocery shopping together, family breakfast outings or whispering cheeky little jokes to make each other laugh for the Woman’s Day camera.
These are the moments the athlete longed for towards the end of his decade-long stint captaining the All Blacks Sevens. Winning six Sevens Series titles, plus gold and silver medals at the Commonwealth Games, DJ proudly donned the black jersey but felt a deeper pull to home after welcoming son Titus, now 15, and daughter Sarai, 12.
“Missing birthdays or schooling moments was difficult when I was playing, but the hardest thing was getting voice or video messages of the kids crying about me being away,” shares DJ, 42. “I’d be leaving at the airport and Sarai would be bawling. That got harder as they got older.”
DJ credits his “rock” Lisa for holding down the fort during such times. The Auckland couple first crossed paths at school, then reconnected not long after finishing. “It was meant to be!” laughs DJ, whose muscular legs carried him to sporting success and also helped him find love.
Lisa, 41, grins, “I was saying to Sarai yesterday, ‘Your dad was really good looking!’ Those athletic legs got me – and his personality. He’s always been such a nice guy… and he hasn’t changed.”
DJ was already chasing his rugby dreams when the two met and Lisa was supportive from the get-go.
“Not everyone gets to live out their dream. So when you love someone, you release them to do what it takes to make it happen,” explains Lisa. She works for Māori health organisation National Hauora Coalition. “We always knew rugby’s a short career, not forever. It helped that I’m independent and had a village of help at home.”
DJ has contentedly slipped back into that village post-retirement. He initially moved into coaching, then sports admin and management, before his current role at Athlete Leaders Network. Lisa, Titus and Sarai have loved having him around more.
“He can go to the school assemblies, and he’s here for birthdays and weekends,” enthuses Lisa. “And the kids actually listen to him!”
Meanwhile, DJ’s thrilled to be around for Titus’ final years at high school. “Being there to talk about boy stuff or schooling is important. He’s a classic teen – coming home from school and straight into his room until asking, ‘What’s for dinner?’ The challenge as a father is getting some form of genuine engagement.”
Sport is one way DJ engages with his kids. He never pushed them into anything athletic, but they both played a year of Rippa Rugby, then Titus a year of tackle, before getting into basketball. Shooting hoops is new for DJ, but he’s eager to help Titus improve his game.
“I’m hoping eventually he’ll be schooling me in basketball and that I won’t be able to keep up with him,” says DJ. “He’s close to my height and will near my weight soon, so it’s a matter of time!”
As for Sarai, DJ’s thrilled she’s giving sevens a go, thanks to friends who started playing. Conscious she had little experience with contact sports and is more petite than some of her competitors, DJ knuckled down with some dad-daughter coaching.
The training definitely improved her game. Sarai has since shone on the field, helping her team win bronze at the AIMS Games.
“She was new to contact sports, so I’m proud she got in there and made tackles,” says DJ. “At one game, she had a head knock, which is always a worry, but contact sports is never accident-free. It’s about how you bounce back. Days later, she was back in training and back into the action.”
DJ loves that Sarai’s learning that hard work reaps rewards. His biggest lesson for her and Titus is: “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” He aims to lead by example when it comes to being disciplined and also staying fit.
The clan also enjoys family sports days with extended whānau. They are part of DJ and his cousins’ efforts to help bond their children. DJ, who’s half Samoan, and Lisa, who’s half Cook Island Māori, have also been encouraging Titus and Sarai to embrace their culture, as well as to connect with their heritage.
With such busy schedules, Lisa jokes, “We’re in a season of life where we’re just Uber drivers. We’re running them around to trainings, games and activities. But it’s cool because these are precious years, so we’re trying to be present and enjoy these moments while they last.”
That also means family downtime, like Fiji vacations and a recent trip to the Gold Coast theme parks. DJ and Lisa also make an effort to enjoy date nights together.
And while DJ’s passionate about helping his kids thrive in sports, he also remains deeply involved with the wider sporting community. He completed a Master of Professional Practice focused in athlete-coach relationship. Then, he spent four years working as the athlete engagement manager for the New Zealand Olympic Committee.
He’s now the GM at Athlete Leaders Network, helping develop sports leaders with a focus on advocacy, leadership and wellbeing. Mental health awareness is increasing and DJ is familiar with the toll professional sports can take on wellness, acknowledging all the pressure that comes with representing Aotearoa.
“If you’re a rugby player in NZ, people scrutinise you heavily. People feel you’re public property. Not becoming consumed by media or public comments can be hard.”
DJ’s also been appointed a ChildFund rugby ambassador, which will see him visit underdeveloped countries, driving positive social impact and create change. His aspiration of coaching a national sevens team also remains, but he expects he’ll need to start abroad.
Having given so much to rugby both on and off the field, it’s hardly surprising he was recently inducted into the World Rugby Hall of Fame in a ceremony in Europe. Yet he initially thought the email invitation was spam.
“I didn’t respond until I got a follow-up!” he admits. “It was a proud moment because my late uncle Peter Fatialofa, who set the rugby scene for us nephews and nieces at his house back in the day, was also an inductee. And the other inductees are people I followed growing up. To be in the same bracket as them is truly an honour.
“It was so cool to have Lisa come over to Monaco for it. She’s been there since I was travelling to different provinces trying to get an opportunity. After all those years and sacrifices, for her to be part of the evening was so special.”
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