Photos: Kellie Blizard
Helping people is what Dave Letele does. From supporting them to lose weight through his Buttabean Motivation (BBM) programme, to providing food through his foodbank – which he’s sadly having to close due to a shortage of funding – the professional boxer turned community leader has spent the past decade coming to the rescue of others going through tough times.
So it was devastating for him when he wasn’t able to help his sister Meripa overcome an addiction to methamphetamine. He offered his support on numerous occasions, only to see her efforts to kick her drug habit fail repeatedly.
“I was so disheartened and frustrated,” says Dave, 45. “I never gave up on her, but it was a nightmare not being able to do anything. Often, I do a lot of speaking engagements, and I thought, ‘How can I talk about doing stuff for others when I can’t help my sister?’ I felt useless.”
Today, those feelings of despair have been replaced by pride and relief, because Meripa, 31, has been clean for 10 months and has her life back on track. Dave is quick to acknowledge there’s one person responsible for that transformation: Meripa.
“This time is different,” says Dave, smiling at his sister as they talk to the Weekly at his Auckland home. “One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that you can support someone, but they have to do the work themselves. Whether it’s losing weight or getting off drugs or whatever, it’s got to be up to them to want to change. And this time something clicked and Meripa has done the work. She has done it for herself.”
Meripa says what has made a difference is truly wanting to be drug-free and believing she can be.
“I’ve been trying to get clean for a long time, but I just couldn’t do it,” says the mum of four. “In a way, I felt like I didn’t want to get off the meth. Until earlier this year.”
The Letele family is no stranger to drugs. When Dave, Meripa and their sister Vicki were kids, their dad, David Sr, a former Mongrel Mob president known as Big Dave, and mum Tui were drug dealers and grew marijuana.
But Meripa didn’t try meth until she was in her early twenties. Then in 2017, Vicki died aged 38 from stomach cancer after she was released early from prison on compassionate grounds. Meth became Meripa’s crutch.
“Once Vicki died, I got hooked,” recalls Meripa. “It was my comfort, my escape. When I was on it, everything was all right.”
Only it wasn’t. She was unable to take care of her daughters Vicki, now 13, and Naomi, 12, when they were small, so they went to live with Big Dave and Tui. They had become Christians and were running the Grace Foundation, an organisation co-founded with their late daughter Vicki to help former inmates.
Meripa also struggled to look after her sons, Agalei, now eight, and Vixs, six. “It was really hard when I was high all the time,” she admits. “My addiction was so bad, it felt like meth was my life and my children were in the way. I have a lot of guilt about that now.”
In recent years, she went from smoking meth to injecting it and in larger amounts.
“It got to a point where what should have lasted me two to three days was only lasting me about an hour. I was using dirty needles. I just didn’t care.”
She did rehabilitation programmes through the Grace Foundation, but once she went back to everyday life, she relapsed.
After several failed attempts at rehab at the end of last year, she finally decided enough was enough.
“I was going back to rehab in January and my oldest son looked at me as if to say, ‘Oh, come on, Mum, not this again.’ I thought, ‘What am I doing?’ I made the conscious decision that this time was going to be different. This time, I really wanted to be clean.”
Meripa has been able to kick the habit thanks to that fierce determination, along with therapy she had in rehab, support from family and friends, and avoiding situations where she could be tempted to use drugs.
“One of the most important issues you need to look at is your environment,” says Dave. “I’ve always said to Meripa, ‘If you want to change, you have to stop hanging out with idiots. Hang out with good people instead.’ Meripa has done really well on that.”
Adds Meripa, “That’s one thing I wasn’t doing before. I was holding on to people – out of fear, I think. I couldn’t live that lifestyle any more.”
Exercise has also been a crucial part of staying clean. Meripa started doing circuit and high-intensity training while in rehab, and Dave later put her in touch with personal trainer Jo Stewart, who also trains Dave’s wife Koreen. Meripa now does weight training with Jo four or five times a week.
“I love it,” smiles Meripa. “It makes you feel really good. It’s such a buzz when you start out lifting 20kg, and keep lifting more and more. I like the challenge.”
Dave has seen the positive effects exercising has had on thousands of people since he started BBM in 2014, following his own experience of losing weight, and is delighted Meripa is reaping the benefits.
“You have to swap out your addiction, so Meripa has swapped meth for exercise,” he tells. “It’s good for her health, it makes her feel better and it keeps her mind occupied. And she’s surrounded by good people.”
She has also become focused on eating well, and thanks to exercise and a healthy diet, has lost 20 kilos since the beginning of the year.
“She’s super-strict,” says Dave. “We’ll go out to dinner, and be eating steak and chips, and she’ll turn up with chicken and broccoli in her lunchbox.”
Meripa adds, “With the meal prepping and the exercise, I feel in control. I felt so out of control before, so it’s a really nice feeling to have that back.”
The changes Meripa has made to her life have boosted her self-esteem and gave her the confidence to train as a barista. She works part-time at the café attached to Dave’s BBM gym.
Being drug-free has enabled her to build stronger relationships with her children and she now gets on better with Dave than she ever has. Due to the 14-year age gap and the fact he lived in Australia for a large chunk of her life, they were never particularly close.
They grew further apart when she was going through the worst of her addiction and he was angry at not being able to help her. Dave says he’s now learned to be less judgmental and “preachy”, and that’s made a difference.
Meripa agrees. “I can actually talk to Dave now. Before I was a bit scared. I felt like I wasn’t good enough and I was always a bit embarrassed about myself. Now we can just talk as brother and sister. Dave has been so helpful and supportive – he’s always checking in.”
Meripa says when life gets tough, she has to work on avoiding the temptation to slip back into bad habits.
“When I want to escape, I can’t do what I used to do, which was use meth. I have to talk myself into doing other things. If I feel like doing something that is not good for me, I do something that’s good, like working out.”
This time, she is confident she can stay off meth.
“I wake up every morning and I choose to stay clean. I believe I can do it.”
So does Dave. “When tough stuff happens, she has the tools to handle it now. It’s going to be a life-long journey for her to stay clean, but she’s definitely on the right track and I am so proud of her. I know Vicki would be proud of her too.”
He breaks into a big smile when he first spots his little sister glammed up for our photoshoot.
“She looks great but for me, the real telltale sign about how much better things are now is when you go to her house. It’s spotlessly clean, everything is in order and it feels like a happy home. You can feel the love in that home now.”
Eventually, Meripa would like to follow in Dave’s footsteps and become a motivational speaker, helping others by sharing her story. In the meantime, she has this advice to offer anyone battling a drug habit.
“Keep fighting. Don’t be afraid to reach out. And if it doesn’t work to start with, keep getting up and trying again. You can do it.”
Help is here
Alcohol and Drug Helpline – 0800 787 797 or online chat at alcoholdrughelp.org.nz.
Related stories
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
