Dear Diane,
You’ve probably been asked this lots of times, but I can’t help worrying about my six-year old son, who doesn’t seem very “masculine”. He often plays with his younger sister’s dolls and when they dress up together he always wears the princess dress and little high heels.
My wife says he’s fine and it will pass, but he won’t even come down to the park to kick a ball around with me, and that seems wrong somehow. When the Rugby World Cup was on TV, his little sister was glued to it but my son would watch for about five minutes and wander away.
I asked him once which All Black he’d like to grow up to be like and he just shrugged and said, “None of them.” Am I concerned about nothing here or do you think there’s a problem?
Andy, Palmerston North**
Dear Andy,**
It’s part of the human condition to imagine having the stereotypically happy, healthy, strong, tall and handsome little boy, and the happy, healthy, beautiful and feminine little girl.
What we are given is often far from the stereotype and it takes a while to give up on our dreams and adjust to enjoying the joys and challenges of the reality we are presented with.
The Rugby World Cup has certainly shown you that your children are the reverse of the imagined stereotype. The simplest thing to do would be to allow yourself to have the human disappointment of not getting quite what you had planned, then move on to enjoy the talents of each of your kids.
With respect to the dressing up, I would suggest you let him enjoy this. Social pressures have probably already taught him to confine this to the safety of his home. Outdoor exercise and developing ball-handling skills are good for everyone, and it’s appropriate for both parents to insist he goes out and joins in family fun.
Once you have got him there, it’s your job to make sure it’s at his level and fun for all participants.
Diane Levy provides expert answers to your parenting queries. Send your questions to:[email protected]. Diane’s parenting books are available in book shops.
