Dear Diane,
My daughter is 19 and expecting her first baby. I’ve been going to some of her appointments with a midwife and at Winz, as she is on her own and on a benefit. Wherever we are she has her cellphone out. She’s completely addicted to texting. When she was with the midwife last week she was tap, tap, tapping on the buttons and hardly listening.
I thought it was so rude, I told her sharply to put it away and listen to what the midwife was saying. My daughter got really angry and told me to mind my own business and she said to the midwife, “This doesn’t bother you, does it?” The lady stammered that it was okay so my daughter went back to texting and that was that. I’d appreciate your advice on how to handle this.
Cynthia
Dear Cynthia,
On the subject of texting, it may just be “the rude way young people do things”, but it’s more likely to be a cover for finding herself in a situation where she doesn’t particularly like her current circumstances. She needs support from you and from Winz but doesn’t want to have to have it, and would rather be independent. I also assume she finds taking advice rather hard.
Attempting to correct adult children is a minefield with great potential of blowing up in our faces. There’s also the great and often mysterious art of knowing when to speak up and when to let it go. How can we give a young adult information in a way she might listen? The best way to create as little shame – as well as resistance – is to talk with your child in private.
Let her know you’re giving her your opinion, rather than telling her off. Explain that you feel uncomfortable with her texting while meeting with people and you would rather she didn’t do it. She may listen, she may not. But at least you’ve given her information and not damaged your relationship with her when she needs your support.
Diane Levy provides expert answers to your parenting queries. Send your questions to: [email protected] Diane’s parenting books are available in book shops.
