Dear Diane,
My son seems to be obsessed – perhaps unhealthily – with his bottom. He’s seven years old, and I know that it’s quite normal for boys of that age to be all about finding bums and bodily functions amusing. But every chance he gets, he strips off and runs around naked. Most of the time I do find it quite cute, but what I find particularly worrying is the fact that paedophiles could be watching – and the fact that it’s just not appropriate. Whenever I try and talk to him he just thinks it’s a huge joke – and my husband doesn’t help, as so does he! How can I get him to understand that now he’s older, it’s not so appropriate to behave like this? Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated, as I’m willing to try almost anything at this stage!
Concerned Mum, by email
Dear Concerned Mum,
Do not discuss the situation any further with your son. It sounds as though he just uses it as an opportunity to mock you or to disregard your opinion. The ideal would be that you and your husband pull together on this particular issue. The reason for this is that children find it much harder to oppose two parents than they do one who is struggling on their own. Explain to your husband that your son’s behaviour is no longer cute, it is definitely no longer appropriate and it is really upsetting you. If he will help you, that is wonderful. If not, it doesn’t mean that you should continue to allow behaviour that is inappropriate and upsetting.
Every time – and I do mean every time – your son takes his clothes off outside his bedroom or the bathroom in order to wash, bundle him into his room and tell him that he is not welcome out of his room and into the rest of the house until he is fully dressed. Do not worry about how long he needs to stay in his room, just make sure he stays in there until he changes his mind. Once he is clothed, he is welcome out to enjoy all the goods and services the family and the rest of the house has to offer. If, every time he flashes his bottom inappropriately, you react swiftly and firmly and with a minimum of words, he will rapidly learn that this is a behaviour that his mother no longer finds amusing or acceptable.
Diane Levy provides expert answers to your parenting queries. Send your questions to: [email protected]. Diane’s parenting books are available in book shops.
