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Family: Mistakes good parents make

Are you committing a parental crime?
Donna Fleming
Donna Fleming

As parents, we want to do our very best for our kids. But often what we think are good parenting skills, are in fact holding them back. Five mistakes good parents make:

We don’t let our children take risks

It is our job to keep our kids safe but sometimes we insulate them from danger so well they don’t know how to take healthy risks. Yes, if you let them climb trees they could fall out, but from that they would learn how to take more care next time. Studies show that children who don’t experience things like falling over and skinning their knees can end up with phobias as adults. Children who never take risks can also end up with self-esteem problems.

We come to the rescue too quickly

Parents today can’t seem to help charging in to fix things when their children experience problems. You’re not doing them any favours – they need to learn how to deal with hardship and solve problems on their own. Eventually, they’ll get used to you always coming to their rescue and expect that to happen throughout their life. They won’t be equipped to cope if you are not around, which can make them very incompetent adults.

We praise them too easily

While it is important to try to boost your child’s self-esteem, constantly telling them how clever/beautiful/talented they are will backfire. They will know when it is not genuine and start to doubt what you say about all sorts of issues. They may also think there is in fact something wrong with them so you are compensating by telling them how wonderful they are all the time. Or they could end up very big-headed and out of touch with reality. By all means praise them when they deserve it, but don’t go over the top.

We don’t want to be the bad guy

Do you feel bad about telling your kids off? This is common among mums and dads who work long hours and don’t see much of their family. They don’t want to spend their time growling, so let their children get away with bad behaviour. However, kids need to get used to being told no, or they won’t know how to deal with not getting their own way in other situations.

We don’t practice what we preach

We think we’re doing the right thing by telling our kids how to be good human beings, when in fact what we should be doing is showing them. For example, how can they follow your advice to respect others when they hear you running people down behind their backs? Don’t just tell your children to be kind – let them see you being thoughtful and treating others well. They’ll learn from watching you.

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