For a lot of mums I know, going back to work after having children is really tough. Often, it’s not that much of a choice – it’s a financial necessity. When your heart is at home, but you need to be working to put food on the table, it makes it all the more soul-destroying when you’re turned down job after job.
As someone who talks to A LOT of mums and I hear the same story over and over again, there is real discrimination out there against mums returning to work.
Mums are told they need to justify their “break” or their “time off” as if parenting small children is akin to a tropical holiday. Anyone who has spent more than a day with a newborn knows it’s about as far away as you can get from lying on a deckchair with a mojito.
No amount of time is the right amount of time. Mums who take longer than a year can lose their “old” jobs, and mums returning to work in a sleep deprived haze at four months are often met with “You look so tired! Are you sure you’re ready to come back to work?” in the staff cafeteria.
For some, six months is not long enough with your child, and for others – it’s too long. Mums run a judgement gauntlet. If they return quickly, they’re met with comments by people saying they could never leave their babies to work. “Isn’t it so hard?” Well yes, it is. Maybe a mum is feeling really delicate and doesn’t need you to make that face with your head tilted to one side: “Don’t you miss them?”
Of course! But unless you’re paying that mum’s rent – your opinion should stay in your not-sleep-deprived-head. Likewise, the “When are you going back to work?” comments plague stay at home mums. “Aren’t you bored?” Yes, sometimes. Do you ever get bored at work? Does that mean you should stop working? Some days there isn’t even half a second to be bored, you’re far too busy.
And the dreaded – “What do you do all day?” Surely that’s the worst one. Oh you know, I just post stuff on Instagram, get my hair done, watch Netflix and dial-in to the UN Security Council and give my advice on world conflicts. You know, the usual…
That’s the problem with returning to work or getting a new job when you’ve been at home. Some people just don’t know what you DO ALL DAY. Maybe if they knew, mothers would be in demand and they’d have their pick of jobs or they’d be met with a bit more compassion when they return to work, rather than the snarky “she leaves early!” rubbish.
So a mum CV, let’s go:
Time management – Nobody can multi-task like a mum can. Baby on hip while you make up a bottle, test the milk on your wrist as you stir your toddler’s porridge and chuck in some raisins all while singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and stopping your toddler from putting a fork into an electric socket. Or breastfeeding while you query a change in your power bill as you stop your toddler eating another chocolate just by raising one eyebrow and mouthing “N.O.” With so few hours in a day and so much to do, mums know how to make the most of the minutes they have (mums hear people saying cherish every minute of the day every single day – we’re so efficient we’re making the most of those minutes while also cherishing them!)
Innovative problem solvers – If you’ve ever been faced with an 11 month old wedged partly under the fridge because they were trying to get around the baby proofing you installed for the 800th time, you’ll know that there are only a few ways to get that baby out without having to call the fire station. One is butter. Who hasn’t smeared butter on their half-naked baby to pull them out of a literal bind? Oh ok, just me? Maybe don’t bring that one up at your interview.
Tenacity – Ever tried to get a toddler who is a fussy eater to eat something? I swear it’s harder to get a toddler to eat a sprout than it is to chair a board meeting. Mums are tenacious, they don’t give up. They keep their eyes on the prize and they are expert negotiators. “You can watch one episode of Peppa Pig if you eat four orange segments and two pieces of cucumber and at least half of your sandwich”. Mums know how to compromise and they can see the big picture –they know when a battle is worth fighting and when it’s best to stand the troops down.
Communication skills – On average the mum of a toddler is asked WHY? And BUT WHY? And MAMA WHY? at least 80,000 times a day. When you have to explain why air exists when you’re trying to get a teething baby to sleep you have clocked communicating clearly. I mean yeah, sometimes we resort to “Just because, OK? Grass is just a thing”. That’s strategy. Because you want your toddler to just be quiet and finish their colouring in.
Flexibility – So you needed to post a letter but the kids haven’t had their nap and they’re not going to nap and then the toddler manages to fall head first off the couch while playing “Let’s see what happens if I dive off the couch head first”. Flexibility is what being a mum is about. Rolling with the punches? That’s us. We literally never ever rely on that nap happening. A mum knows that you can’t plan anything around a nap. So when we have time, WE DO ALL THE THINGS! Nobody jumps into action faster than a mum who has managed to get more than one of her children to sleep at the same time.
Compassion – Maybe not something people think of straight away when they’re looking to employ someone….But don’t you think it’s important? Mums deal with broken hearts on a daily basis. Sometimes it’s the “My stick broke and I will never recover” variety of heartbreak which is easy to mend. Other times it’s the type that breaks your heart too “Am I weird dear mama?” Mopping up tears and helping to put smiles back on little faces is a skill that the world needs more of right?
Surely rounding out any CV is an eagerness to work. When you have to provide for your family financially, it’s a huge motivator. The overwhelming driver for every mum I know is to create a world for their children that gives them the best possible start. That’s something everyone can get behind. Give mums a chance, your workplace will be better for it.
