Caught on the net

Dear Wendyl, I was mucking around on the computer at home recently, trying to find a website I had accessed a few days ago in the History of our computer. What I found instead were a number of porn websites that had been accessed. The only other person who uses this computer is my husband and I was out on the night he was looking at them. I’m so shocked I don’t know what to do or say to him, as we have a good sex life and I’m astounded that he needs to do this. What should I do? Shocked and Upset, email

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Dear Shocked and Upset,

You have to talk to him about this because you need to find out whether it was just a one-off, “mucking about because you were out” kind of thing, or whether he has a serious porn addiction. This is becoming a big problem in marriages now that internet pornography is so easily accessible. oany men look at porn – that is a given – and I think it should be openly acknowledged in a marriage, not turned into a dirty secret. So now is your chance to have that discussion. Go into it with an open attitude, otherwise he may just clam up and hide it. Try to agree together on what is appropriate usage.

But, if you sense this is something he can’t stop doing, then take it seriously. Any addiction, whether it’s to pornography, alcohol or gambling, can severely disrupt and destroy a relationship because it interferes with normal functions. In this case I would recommend you both seek some counselling from Relationship Services at 0800 Relate or visit website www.relate.org.nz. If he says it’s just a one-off, then watch him. If he’s hiding his usage he will clear the entries from the History of your computer, in which case, you can try the oost Visited menu. Good luck.