Watching little Violet Rose as she laughs while being pushed on a swing at the local park. Tory and Susanne Gervay are overcome with unconditional love. The little girl’s mum and grandmother treasure these moments every day as they jointly raise the almost-three-year-old, whose entrance in the world was anything but simple.
“She’s an absolute joy,” Tory, 38, tells Woman’s Day.
Violet’s miracle arrival is a result of the strong bond that exists between Tory and her mum Susanne. Their journey started in 2017, when a then-30-year-old Tory was battling stage-four kidney failure and was struck by an intense, unexpected longing to become a mother.
“Tory wanted a baby more than anything but feared being a solo parent, so we made a pact to raise her child together,” explains Susanne, 72.
Tory’s brave fight to become a mum
“Carrying a child herself was too risky due to her health, so the plan was to extract her eggs and use a surrogate. “Over the next six years, I was by her side during eight failed IVF attempts. Sadly, none of her eggs were viable.”
Determined to fulfil her daughter’s wish, Susanne found a US clinic known for success with complex cases. The mother-daughter duo pored over countless sperm-donor profiles online until they agreed on a handsome suitor.
The surrogacy agency then matched them with Misty, a compassionate mother of three and their online friendship quickly blossomed. Following an intense year of medical evaluations, psychological testing and red tape. Tory was finally able to fly to the US for her egg extraction in 2021. Susanne recalls the pain of not being able to accompany her daughter on the journey due to COVID travel restrictions.
The call that changed everything
Susanne tells, “I spoke to her every day and I’ll never forget the night she called to say, ‘Mum, we’re having a baby.’ I nearly dropped the phone and I couldn’t stop sobbing. She had been through so much and she deserved it.”
When Tory returned home, the pair waited on tenterhooks for weekly pregnancy updates from Misty. They had just learnt that a baby girl was on the way and were preparing for a babymoon in the US when Susanne began feeling dizzy, occasionally slurring her words. A CT scan revealed a 6cm tumour in Susanne’s brain – but that was only the beginning of the nightmare ahead. After hours of invasive surgery, doctors discovered not one, but two brain tumours and that she had suffered from a stroke during the ordeal.
Losing her ability to speak and read, Susanne was also barely able to walk.
“All I could think about was Tory’s baby girl and how we’d made a pact to raise her together,” Susanne says.
“I was determined to keep my promise, so I struggled through hours of occupational therapy, speech therapy and physio. “Two months later, doctors advised me against flying, but I wasn’t missing the birth.”
A race to meet Violet
Having just landed in Los Angeles a month before the baby’s due date, Tory was surprised when Misty called to tell her she’d gone into early labour.
As she raced against the clock to get to the hospital, Tory arrived just in time to be by Misty’s side as her precious daughter Violet Rose entered the world weighing just 2.4kg.
“I literally walked into theatre and saw Misty push three times before pulling the baby out herself,” Tory smiles.
“A nurse placed Violet on my chest and she just stared at me wide-eyed for an hour. Mum arrived four hours later, and we cried and doted over our tiny, precious little miracle.”
Their shared household has been a whirlwind ever since. Along with juggling the demands of motherhood together, Susanne also underwent a second brain operation. Meanwhile, Tory became gravely ill before finally receiving a kidney transplant in January.
Despite the huge challenges they’ve faced, the pair dote on their “cheeky little chatterbox”, who has a kind, friendly nature and loves to make people laugh. Their unique journey
inspired Susanne to write children’s book Guess How I Was Born, which was released on Global Parents Day in June.
Told through the eyes of Violet, the story highlights different family structures and embraces the many ways children come into the world.
Tory explains, “In Guess How I Was Born, all families matter – adopted, stepchildren, LGBTQ+, mixed ethnicities, nuclear and IVF families.”
Guess How I Was Bornby Susanne Gervay, ($28, Larrikan House).
