Escaping the horrors of home: refugees search for peace

Margaret John Abee, a caregiver from South Sudan

When Margaret John Abee started her job as a caregiver at a retirement village in Upper Hutt 14 years ago, not all the residents were happy to see her.

Some told the African-born mum of six they didn’t want her helping because of her skin colour. But Margaret, who survived almost eight months in the African jungle running for her life, shrugged it off. Using humour and compassion, the chatty care worker soon bonded with the residents she now calls friends.

“I ask them questions about photos in their rooms, which brings them closer, and we laugh,” says Margaret, 50, who settled in Upper Hutt in 2004. “I tell them I’m from Africa, and this is our colour, and in the world, we have a lot of colours. I don’t get angry because they’re just fighting some other fight since they’re sick and sometimes in pain.”

When the bubbly grand-mother first moved to New Zealand, she couldn’t speak English and was traumatised from escaping war, which forced her family from their beloved village in South Sudan, near the border of Uganda.

“Before the war, life was quite good. Mum and me were best friends and always laughing,” recalls Margaret, who grew up with cattle milk as her family’s main source of food. “But when I was 15, I got married to a man my brother chose, which is what they do as tradition at home. I wasn’t very happy about it.”

They welcomed six sons and in usual tradition, the two eldest lived with Margaret’s mother. When the civil war broke out and her village was burnt down, Margaret fled into the jungle with her four youngest children, while her husband stayed to fight.

She never saw him again.

“When we got to the border of Kenya, we were chosen to come into the refugee camp and then rescued by United Nations,” she says. “In the jungle, a lot of people died from hunger or by gun. Sudan is a big country, so you don’t know where you are running. If you find a spot and there are no guns around, you settle there with a group.”

She and her boys slept in the grass, barefoot and wearing ripped clothing. When they ran, Margaret tied her baby onto her back and held another son, while two others followed on foot. They survived off boiled wild berries and when her breast milk dried up, Margaret’s baby Joseph almost died.

“He looked like a skeleton because he’d had no food and was crying. Some people in the group yelled at me to throw him out because he was making noise and the rebels would hear him,” she shares.

“We walked away and I was crying, but another group saw and said to run with them. Joseph is doing well now and playing football in Auckland.”

By the time she reached the border, Margaret’s two eldest sons were also in the jungle with her mother. Fortunately, they made it to the refugee camp and were allowed to enter.

“They’re lucky because by then the United Nations officials had picked me to leave Kenya,” she tells. “My mum didn’t come out of the jungle, and she died when we were in New Zealand, and so did my father from drinking bad water.”

Margaret had never heard of New Zealand and recalls being frightened. But when they arrived in Mangere, Auckland, the family was cared for by refugee support workers who took them clothes shopping and taught them the basics of Kiwi living.

She laughs as she recalls choosing clothing from the men’s section and being taken back to swap them. Margaret was provided with a fully equipped house in Upper Hutt and began working at the retirement village a few years later.

But she faced another challenge last year when her eldest son Patrick, 36, was attacked by a gang member on the street after coming from Wellington to mow her lawns. It left him with head injuries and he spent half a year in and out of hospital, forced to give up his three jobs.

“He’s not the son I had before,” laments Margaret. “He had a big, big surgery and he’s sometimes confused and sometimes better. He can’t hear out of one side and it’s very upsetting. He has gone back to his flat in Mount Cook, but I go around and cook him food. My son is a good boy.”

The attacker was sentenced to prison and although he initially denied the beating, the man eventually wrote an apology.

Working full-time, Margaret says she loves caring for people, and teaching them about Africa and the village she calls home alongside NZ.

“I love to talk to the old people and I feel so happy listening to their stories,” she enthuses. “I’m very happy we came here.”

Venus Azizi, a former judge from Afghanistan

Before Venus Azizi settled in Wellington as a refugee with her husband and two young sons last January, she had a hit out on her by the Taliban.

As well as being the first woman in Herat, Afghanistan, to get accepted as a prosecutor of the Taliban, Venus became the first female judge to join a live meeting that was aired on TV. Despite the danger of her work, the brave mum worked her biggest case while it broadcast live, which involved prosecuting 12 terrorists.

“It meant I was recognised and the Taliban was sent to my house twice,” shares the mother of sons Mohammad Jahed, four, and Mohammad Jaser, two. “Police sent me a letter saying the Taliban was going to try and kill me, and to change the time and date of going to the office.”

When she was one of 10 females in Herat to be accepted as a judge after university, Venus was the only one who chose to serve as a prosecutor because of its dangers. After eight years in her role, a group of international volunteers strived to get Venus and her colleagues safely out of Afghanistan.

She risked travelling by vehicle to a refugee camp, covering her face to hide her identity and making it through multiple Taliban checkpoints. A military plane then took Venus and her family to the camp, where they stayed for two months while their visas were sorted for New Zealand.

“I like the stress-free life here,” says Venus, who is based in Mount Cook. “Your kids are safe at school and you don’t have to worry about them being stolen or their school being attacked.”

Venus and her husband Jaweed Sikandary, who was also a prosecutor in Afghanistan, are studying English at Victoria University and hope to pursue careers as judges or lawyers in Wellington. Some of her colleagues from Afghanistan who went to the US are still in a refugee camp there, and the rest of her family remains in Herat.

“My childhood dream was to execute justice and judgement. Although they were taken away from me (since I had to leave Afghanistan), I’ve drawn a realistic picture of my future. Like a loyal soldier, I’m ready to fight to achieve my goals.”

Oo Meh Nga, a registered nurse from Kayah State, Myanmar

Oo Meh Nga was seven when she met her husband-to-be in Karenni Refugee Camp, where she was born on the Thailand border.

Along with more than 50,000 other refugees living in the camp guarded by Thai police, Oo Meh and Nae, her now-hubby, lived off donated monthly food rations of rice, flour, salt and chilli that they cooked without electricity. Any fish was caught in the river inside the refugee camp, which had bombs placed around it to prevent people from leaving.

It was while fishing for food one day and deciding to collect firewood for their families that Oo Meh and Nae became good friends. Oo Meh recalls Nae offering to carry her firewood.

But when her family was given the opportunity to settle in New Zealand in 2006, nine-year-old Oo Meh said goodbye to her childhood friend and the refugee camp where her parents had lived for 20 years, after their village in Kayah State, Myanmar,

was attacked by the military and burnt down.

“We didn’t have any toys in the refugee camp, so I played with used plastic bottles, mud and rocks,” shares Oo Meh, 25, who now lives in Porirua with Nae, their son Khu-Twar, two, and also her older brother and his family.

“I made a lot of friends and am in contact with many of them today online, since they resettled in Australia and America.”

A chance encounter led her back to Nae, 28, when she visited a cousin in America in 2014 and the pair were reintroduced.

They had a long-distance relationship until 2021, when Nae, a machinery operator, moved to Aotearoa and the couple welcomed little Khu-Twar.

Now a nurse working at Kenepuru Community Hospital, Oo Meh says she knew, even as a child, that she wanted to take care of her community. She was inspired to give back after seeing her little sister receive care in New Zealand as a very sick baby, and she became the first person in her family to obtain a degree.

“My favourite thing is seeing the appreciation from a patient and their family for the care I give,” Oo Meh smiles. “My husband looks after our son at home while he’s waiting for his work visa. My parents live about two minutes away because we like staying close.”

Transitioning to a new life

ChangeMakers Resettlement Forum in Wellington is helping Margaret, Oo Meh and Venus with settling into New Zealand. The local non-government organisation represents refugee-background communities and works on community development, research and advocacy. Get in touch at [email protected]