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Last year, Hawke’s Bay careerwoman Bronda Smith almost lost everything. Not only did her senior corporate job crumble from under her, but she also came within inches of losing her marriage. Her mental and physical health were the worst they’d ever been, and it all came down to one major problem – menopause.
“I was 45 when my menopause symptoms started, but it comes on so gradually that it takes a while to realise what’s happening,” recalls Bronda, 52, who was working in local government roles as a chief financial officer. “I’d be sitting at the dinner table and suddenly look like I’d had water chucked on my face, with sweat everywhere.
“The thing that made me go to the doctor in 2019 were the hot flushes because I’d wake up needing to pat myself down with a towel and regularly change the bedsheets since I was soaking through them.”
When her GP printed out a list that included over a dozen menopause symptoms, Bronda realised she had all of them except one. They included sweats and body odour, heart palpitations, brittle nails, weight gain, sleeping problems, breast tenderness and nausea.
“It’s hard because the symptoms are quite vague, and it’s not until you’re at the right age and the doctor asks enough questions that you realise it’s menopause,” says Bronda, who also went on to suffer brain fog, difficulty concentrating, bladder weakness, vaginal dryness and dry, itchy skin.
“The other problem I had was irritability and a really short fuse. I could go from being calm and rational to absolutely outraged in a nanosecond.”
She had no control over her extreme mood changes and it became a problem for her at work as well as at home, impacting her marriage to painter John, 57. Bronda also lost her libido and her irritability often led to loud fights between the pair.
John is happy to have his wife back.
“There was always that little bubble of annoyance in the background and there were a couple of times John basically moved out into another part of the house,” she shares. “We were on the edge and we argued something chronic, but we weren’t like that before the menopause.”
Bronda was prescribed estrogen patches and started at 25 micrograms, but within seven months, her dose had been upped to 100mcg to try to keep her symptoms at bay. Although she thought she had her menopause under control for a couple of years, the start of 2021 brought a whole new set of challenges.
“I really wasn’t sleeping, only getting three or four hours at night – and everything is so much worse when you don’t sleep. The other thing that hit me was anxiety.”
Bronda got to the point where she was throwing up before work. “I couldn’t eat until after lunch because if I did, I’d vomit from the anxiety. I lost all sense of who I was because I’d always been strong, career-focused and driven. I got to where I was in my career because I worked really hard and it was part of my identity.”
Desperate, Bronda went to see a new doctor at a female health practice, where she spent an hour going through everything in tears. She felt distraught, as well as guilty for what was going on at work and home, and she explained how she’d lost all confidence.
In September last year, plagued by anxiety and with her stress levels through the roof, she said goodbye to her job.
Following the advice of her new doctor, Bronda started to make major lifestyle changes, including following a structured sleep pattern, fitting in self-care like yoga, starting a good vitamin routine, and taking anti-anxiety medication alongside estrogen and progesterone. Thanks to the combination of strategies, she finally began to feel in control of her haywire hormones again.
Lifestyle changes and medical intervention have put the spring back in Bronda’s step.
“I go to bed at nine and read, and don’t watch screens for half an hour, and I take magnesium, which is important to help you sleep,” explains Bronda, who also went on testosterone to help her libido.
“When I started working again this year, contracting as a finance manager, business consultant and coach, I cut down to four days to manage my stress levels. John and I are actually also in a better place than we’ve ever been!”
For October’s World Menopause Month, Bronda has launched a petition that calls for the Government to better recognise and promote menopause through education in schools, in-depth training for medical students and creating awareness in workplaces.
“I want to give women a voice so they feel they have been heard,” tells Bronda. “I want women to understand you can be going through hell, but there’s support – you just have to search for it, unfortunately.
With her mum Heather.
“I lost the joy of life. I used to drive along the waterfront towards work each day and not even notice the sea. Now, if it’s a glorious day and I drive past, I feel elated. I’ve come out the other end.”
To sign Bronda’s petition, please visit change.org/makemenopausematternz.
