Like any new mum, Nicola Ashley can’t stop kissing her daughter’s soft skin and breathing in that delicious baby scent.
But the Christchurch woman has more reason than most to be thankful for the joy her daughter Kaitlyn has brought her. The four-month-old was giving her mother strength and hope for the future even before she was born.
Tragically, Kaitlyn’s dad Steve never got to meet his beautiful little girl. Nicola not only lost her high-school sweetheart Steve from an aggressive brain tumour, but also five months earlier, her beloved mother Robyn passed away at 57 after a three-year battle with cancer.
“Steve was my rock when Mum was ill and after she died. He always knew exactly what to say.”
A “dream baby”, Kaitlyn has helped to heal the grief that threatened to crush Nicola in her darkest days. Nicola met Steve through mutual friends in July 2004. She was 17 and he was 18. “We went to the movies with a group of friends and began talking online. I told Mum I was talking to a boy – it turned out Mum had worked with his mum back in the day. She even had a photo of the two of us as babies playing together!”
The mothers had even been each other’s bridesmaids, but busy family life meant they hadn’t kept in regular contact. Steve soon became part of the family, even moving in with Nicola’s family while studying for a BA in Computer Science at the University of Canterbury. Administrator Nicola, now 28, beams as she tells the charming story of their fated love and was overjoyed when, after two years together, a nervous Steve popped the question on bended knee with a beautiful diamond ring.
“We got married in 2012 and it was the happiest day of my life,” she smiles. “I was just so happy walking towards Steve with my dad down the aisle.”
The couple travelled all over Europe on their dream honeymoon, creating memories Nicola will hold on to forever.
“We had an amazing trip. It was so much fun. I’ll be able to show the photographs to Kaitlyn when she’s older. ”
Nicola says she’ll tell their daughter all about her intelligent, loving dad and vows to continue Steve’s favourite pastimes of board-game nights and picnics. She lights up as she talks about her husband, who worked as a software engineer. “Steve loved his job so much, he’d forget to come home! I had to remind him to come home at 10 o’clock at night. He was very talented at what he did and everyone loved him,” she says.
“Steve was my rock,” says Nicola.
Devastating news
After two years of trying to conceive, Nicola was thinking of turning to IVF when she got the news the couple had dreamed of. Steve was ecstatic – he’d longed to become a dad. But only a few weeks later, their world came crashing down.
“Steve had been complaining of a sore arm and leg for a few days. He thought it was a pinched nerve, but his doctor referred him for X-rays,” explains Nicola.
However, further tests revealed something more sinister than either of them could have imagined. “Two tumours were found in his brain and specialists told us his chances of survival were slim. Nothing could have prepared me for hearing that. It was a massive shock,” she says.
“Steve was only 28, in the prime of his life. We had so many plans for the future, but they were all taken away.”
After hearing the worst news imaginable, Nicola made a vow to herself. She promised that she would be strong not only for the love of her life, but for their unborn child. “Steve worried how I would cope without him, but I told him I’d be alright. I didn’t want him to worry.”
The next crushing blow came only two days after the diagnosis, when Steve lost the ability to speak following a biopsy of the tumour. He never returned home from hospital. Nicola visited him every day, taking time off her job at Briscoes to talk, hold his hand and make the most of every moment. “We could still communicate. I could talk to him and he could smile and I’d ask him questions and he could nod or shake his head.”
Steve told her he wanted his ashes scattered at the beautiful gardens where they exchanged their wedding vows just two years earlier.
Nicola’s gorgeous daughter Kaitlyn is her “little miracle”.
It’s a girl!
Nicola’s scan at 18 weeks showed they were having a girl and Steve smiled when he heard the news. “I was so happy too – I’d wanted a girl,” she says, looking down at adorable Kaitlyn.
Steve had some chemotherapy and radiation but then decided to stop all treatment. He died on December 6, only three months after diagnosis. Nicola believes Steve helped her name their daughter, who looks so much like her dad and was born five months after his passing. “After Steve died, I had a dream that he was back with me and we were talking about names, and we decided on Kaitlyn. We even discussed the spelling! I woke up the next morning and knew that’s what she would be called.”
Nicola displays amazing strength and is a natural mother, putting it down to the support of family and friends, who have stayed with her most nights since Steve’s passing. Her bosses were understanding and Steve’s employers set up a fundraising page, raising almost $60,000, which Nicola has invested for the future.
“I fell in love with Kaitlyn straightaway,” the proud mum beams. “I know she is my little miracle. Part of Steve is still here because she is here.”
