When someone says “rave”, it’s not likely you’ll conjure up a bunch of tired mothers of small children getting down on the dancefloor. But a group of high-profile Kiwi women has decided that’s exactly what’s needed.
Larissa Allen, Rachel Taane and Jo Cummins all know from experience that while motherhood’s a beautiful time in a woman’s life, for many, it can also be the most isolating. Sleepless nights and the loss of your old self can leave even the strongest women feeling like they’re floating out in space.
Each has struggled through the early years of parenting, which is why they’re helping Tauranga-based initiative The Village NZ – founded by Chloe Wright, to support mothers to support mothers through the crucial first 1000 days of parenting, from pregnancy to toddlerhood – go nationwide.
They’re doing this with MumRaves, which takes The Village’s project of being a safe space to be honest about motherhood and takes it one step further, offering mums a space to let go and move, while meeting others going through similar challenges.
Bringing joy back to motherhood
“We’re reminding them they’re still allowed to have fun,” says Larissa, 34, who juggles her role as The Village’s communications manager with being an actress and mum.
“We spend so much time holding everyone else together. These are our way of giving back something that fills mums up again.”
Losing confidence in early motherhood
When Larissa had her son Carter, now seven, she was surprised by how quickly her confidence wavered.
“Everyone says it takes a village, but most of us don’t have one any more,” she tells.
“You’re suddenly responsible for this tiny person and you’re meant to love every second, but it can be incredibly lonely. I remember feeling I was doing it all wrong, even though I was trying so hard.”
Finding support through The Village
When Larissa discovered The Village, she felt something click.
“The first 1000 days shape so much for us as women. Being part of The Village feels like a way to rebuild that community we’ve lost, and to surround new mums with real support and not just advice.”
Now she’s helping lead the charge to take the movement nationwide, bringing fun to cities across New Zealand.
“Motherhood can be heavy,” Larissa muses.
“But it can also be full of laughter and light. The MumRaves are a way to reclaim that light.”
Rachel Taane
Another mum searching for light
Rachel, 36, wife of Kiwi music legend Tiki Taane, knows it can take time to find the light. While the social worker and DJ has spent years helping others through their hardest times, just thinking back to those days of becoming a young mum herself leaves her reeling.
“I was only 20 when I had Karcia,” she recalls.
“All my friends were still out partying and I was at home with a screaming baby. I loved her, but I hated being a mum. I thought something was wrong with me.”
A battle no one could see
While Karcia had severe colic and reflux, Rachel was also quietly battling postnatal depression. To top it off, she was in an abusive relationship with Karcia’s father and while her mum was an amazing support, she still often felt alone.
“I’ll never forget sitting in the food court at a mall, trying to feed Karcia as she screamed,” she admits.
“I was so close to giving up. Then this little old lady came over, touched my shoulder and told me how beautiful we looked together. That moment saved me. It made me realise I wasn’t as hopeless as I thought.”
In time, music became Rachel’s therapy.
Jo Cummins
Rediscovering joy through music
“When I was younger, drum and bass was my happy place. But I had addiction issues, and after I became a mum and got sober, I lost the part of myself that loved music. During lockdown, I taught myself to DJ. It was something that gave me peace again, like meditation.”
Now she’s bringing that same energy to The Village’s MumRaves.
“It’s freedom in a way,” she shares.
“You can come, let go and not have to be anyone’s mum for a couple of hours. It’s just you. The best part is that you can dance your heart out and still be home for bedtime.”
Every mum needs a village
For Jo, 41, co-founder of sex-toy company Girls Get Off, the MumRaves strike a similar chord. Her journey through motherhood has been anything but straightforward.
“After I had my second baby, I was running two businesses out of my kitchen, dealing with anxiety and co-parenting,” she shares. “There were so many moments when I’d look around and think, ‘Where’s my village?’”
Jo’s businesses – first launching a cookie company, then creating the taboo-breaking Girls Get Off – grew out of that chaos she was experiencing.
Larissa Allen
Breaking the silence on motherhood
“It was never just about selling products. It was taking the shame out of womanhood, around sex and motherhood, all of it. We’ve all been told to keep quiet about the messy parts, but those are the parts that connect us.”
After surviving two abusive relationships and raising her boys on her own, Jo says MumRaves are her chance to support others.
“If I hadn’t had my business partner Viv, I don’t know how I would’ve coped,” she muses.
“Every mum deserves someone in her corner like that. Creating spaces where mums can show up messy, tired, honest and still be celebrated is the kind of support that changes lives.”
The critical 1000 days
All three women agree the early years of motherhood can be both beautiful and brutal, and that it’s time for more open conversations about this reality.
“The first 1000 days are such a critical time,” declares Larissa.
“You’re building your baby’s brain, but you’re also rebuilding yourself. We’re not meant to do that alone.”
For Rachel, MumRaves create common ground.
She confesses, “When you’re around other people in the same boat, you can feel this sigh of relief, like, ‘I’m not the only one.’ That’s powerful.”
Redefining motherhood
And for Jo, she says it’s about rewriting what motherhood looks like.
“It doesn’t have to mean losing yourself,” she tells.
“It can be about finding new parts of who you are.”
MumRaves hit the road
The Village is hosting its first-ever MumRaves around the country until 29 November, with events in Tauranga, Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch. They’re expecting hundreds of mums to turn up baby-free.
“The goal isn’t to throw a party,” states Larissa.
“It’s more to start a conversation. We want mums to know it’s OK to need help and time for themselves. You’re still you – even when you’re someone’s mum.”
Go to thevillagenz.org for more info and tickets.
If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic violence, call Shine on 0508 744 633 or visit womensrefuge.org.nz.
