When your sex life is causing you injury or embarrassment

Advice for the bedroom from sex expert Jodie Molloy.

Q. I always make a sound from my downstairs when I’m having sex. Is one position better than another? It’s so embarrassing.

A. Well, I don’t think I’m alone in calling this experience a “queef”. I’ve tried to find out why this is the most popular term for it and the best I can find is that is has something to do with a vaginal balloon used by ladies in ancient Rome.

Rest assured, you’re not the only woman in the world with genitals that rival a trumpet. It’s natural and we should celebrate it! It’s certainly awkward if you let it be awkward, but you need to embrace the biomechanics of the awesome female form.

I like my friend’s approach – each time her talkative vagina emits noise, she sings a chorus of an Elton John song. It makes both her and partner laugh, and is almost something they look forward to. Let no man or woman make you feel that it’s anything other than nature doing its thing.

Q. I’ve recently put on some weight and while my husband doesn’t mind my curvy figure, unfortunately, the downside is that our sex life has suffered. Last time we had sex, I was on top and he claims I nearly broke his penis. I wasn’t doing anything I don’t normally do, but I don’t want to injure him. Can really have done that or is he exaggerating? I’ve searched for this on the internet, but I am reading different things and I’m told to not believe anything on there. I really don’t want to go to our GP as it’s too embarrassing.

A. Oh dear. While you can’t break his penis as such, you can certainly do some significant damage in multiple ways. The penis – despite what men suggest – is actually far from indestructible and has a fibrous membrane inside that can be torn and the sum result is really a penile Armageddon. If somebody suffers any pain, bruising or damage during sex, you should go to an A&E right away. Penis before pride, in this case!

And in the future, perhaps remain aware during the moment and know that ferocious movement doesn’t always win the day. Try other positions while he heals and when you’re both ready, start with a midslow speed. Suffering in silence isn’t what this is about, so encourage your husband to talk as much about his comfort as possible.

Q. My boyfriend is quite enthusiastic during sex and I keep finding myself getting little tears that are really painful. Is this normal?

A. Gynaecologists report that this is one of the most common sex injuries that women experience and yet it’s something we hardly ever talk about. The most simple fix is to slow down, but if speed is the name of your game, use lubricant. Invest in finding the right one for you and if for some reason the issue persists, see your doctor as it may be that antibiotics are required.

If the budget allows, invest in a high-grade silicone-based lube like Jo Premium from Peaches and Cream. It should make a world of difference for you. Don’t soldier on and be brave – feeling comfortable is essential to having and enjoying great sex.

Get adventurous and expand your sexual world with Peaches and Cream, which has the largest selection of erotic playthings and sex toys in New Zealand.

If you have any questions for Jodie write to [email protected] or Woman’s Day, Private Bag 92512, Wellesley Street, Auckland.

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