Dear Wendyl,
I made a New Year’s resolution this year to give up smoking and I’ve actually done it. I had been a smoker for 30 years, but I really feel like I’ve kicked it this time. The problem is my partner of 25 years is still smoking and refuses to even consider going without.
I thought that by setting a good example she might have a go, but she absolutely refuses and has even started teasing me and calling me “Smokefree Steve” and “Mr Perfect”. She’s really starting to get on my nerves. Help!
Smokefree Saint, by email
**
Dear Smokefree Saint,**
You have done such a magnificent thing by giving up smoking, not only for your health but your sense of wellbeing, so make sure you take the time to enjoy your achievement and pat yourself on the back regularly.
As for your partner, this is all about her, not you. She feels like a total failure not being able to join you. Some people express this by putting others down or trying desperately to find some way to be superior. So every time she teases you just remind yourself, “She’s only doing this because she can’t give up smoking herself,” and move on.
She’s not deliberately trying to be mean, she’s just feeling terrible. After a while you’ll be able to ignore her comments and not get upset by them. And don’t be too hard on her about not giving up. Her time will come when she’s ready to do it.
Send your questions to [email protected] or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142
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