Relationships

The Ex Factor

It can sometimes be tempting to try to go back in time and resume a relationship from your past, but as the saying goes, leopards don't often change their spots

Dear Wendy,

My husband and I broke up five years ago but have remained friends. We catch up occasionally for a drink and before I started seeing my boyfriend, we’d still go out, especially if there was something he needed to take a partner to like, a work do.

But since I found someone else he has been wanting to see me more, and I like that. I like it so much I’m starting to wonder if we made a mistake and should get back together. I’m so confused. How can I work this out?

Lisa, by email

Dear Lisa,

I know this is the stuff of romance novels and it is always tempting to daydream about what might be, but be very careful. I think you should spend some time revisiting why you broke up in the first place, talk to friends and family about that time and remind yourself of the issues that were going on.

I’m prepared to accept that people change, but has he? Have you? Are things any different? And what about the new man in your life? Does he deserve to have this happen?

If this goes much further then I strongly suggest that you deal with your primary relationship first and sort that out, making quite sure you are not in love with this man any more. Then you and your ex should get some marriage counselling – it’s free and it might save you a lot of heartache down the track. You can call 0800 RELATE or go to www.relate.org.nz.

Wendyl

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