Dear Wendyl,
My sister is an amazing person who is lovely and intelligent. But she has got herself into an unhealthy relationship that’s painful to watch. This guy won’t see her on a Friday or Saturday night because those are his nights with the boys. He didn’t turn up at her birthday party. He stood her up at our brother’s wedding. And, after 18 months, he’s never told her he loves her! I’ve talked to her about him and she agrees that he’s not the best boyfriend, but she thinks he can change with time. Meanwhile, I’m tearing my hair out. Please help!
Nearly Bald, by email
Dear Nearly Bald,
It still amazes me that women put up with men like this. The short answer for you is that he won’t change – not while his behaviour is being accepted by your sister. I think your sister might have some self-esteem issues and her insecurities won’t let her accept that she deserves better than this idiot.
So, instead of bugging your sister about him, which will only feed her negative opinion of herself, go to work on her – then she might start making some better decisions. See if she’ll go to a counsellor with you and make it all about getting her to feel better about herself – don’t mention the bad relationship. To find a counsellor, talk to your doctor or contact your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau.
-Wendyl Nissen
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