Sibling love: to forgive or not?

Dear Wendyl,

Six months ago my brother went to jail for a horrible crime. I have no doubt in my mind he’s guilty and for that reason I refuse to visit him. My family say he needs our support but I won’t do it. He’s always thought he could get away with stuff and I think part of his punishment is losing my love. What should I do?

Hayley, WellingtonDear Hayley,

That’s a tough one. I believe in forgiveness, mainly because when you do it your life is no longer weighed down by hurt and anger and you’re free to live unhindered by those negative emotions. But I also know how hard it is to forgive someone who’s done something awful.

Instead of saying no to your family, tell them you need some time. Talk to others and perhaps visitpillars.org.nzwhich supports children and families of prisoners. Talking to others who feel or have felt the same as you might help you to work some of this out for yourself.