Dear Wendyl,
My husband has been a very successful businessman and we’re very well off. All of my life I’ve supported his career, putting up with his long hours and absences while he has been overseas. And every time I got sick of it I thought about his retirement and the freedom we would have to spend time together.
Now he’s 70 and he’s still working full time. I’ve pleaded with him to stop and let us have what years we have left together, but he refuses. We have plenty of money, so how do I get him to give me the time I feel I deserve?
Anonymous, Wellington
Dear Anonymous,
I know this sounds morbid, but you should get him to read a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware, who is a palliative care nurse. Among those regrets are, “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard,” and, “I wish I had let myself be happier.”
I think sometimes very driven people like your husband think if they’re not working, they have no worth. Talk to him about other ways to value himself as a great father and husband, rather than a busy rich guy. Get him to realise you only have so many years left together and that it would be a shame if you were deprived of the joy you could have.
Send your questions to [email protected] or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142
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