I am not a jealous person, but if my boyfriend flirts with anyone hot, then I am likely to rip his head off. I know that sounds a little extreme but it’s exactly how most people feel when they are under the influence of the green-eyed monster.
The symptoms starts with a prick in your senses saying “something is not right” and reinforced with twisted thoughts like, ‘Why is he still talking to her and laughing enthusiastically when he should be with me gazing into my eyes? Clearly, he wants her and if he doesn’t stop it soon, I will strangle the pair of them.’
That was a polite version of the mental war that wages in our heads when we feel threatened on the love front. I’m not condoning that behaviour, as it’s only human for blood to boil when we watch someone try to play with our toys, but we need to be mindful of the fact that we’re prone to overreacting to the perceived threat.
We fear every intruder, even if it’s an imaginary one. Jealousy is simply a red flag highlighting something is not right – on the inside or out. It screams, ‘I feel extremely insecure and don’t like it.’
When I was younger I used to go mental every time any boyfriend talked to a girl who was too hot, too sexy, too confident or looked like a better match for him than me. I thought I was brilliant and couldn’t understand why they would have a need for anyone else. I know it’s a silly way to think, but when you are insecure, that’s what happens.
Some people attract jealousy because they are naturally outgoing and socially confident. They talk easily to everyone from the rubbish man to the prime minister. But if either the partner or the new friend seem overly interested, someone is bound to take issue. And the case is that usually, when you don’t have a hidden agenda, people find you the most attractive.
Before my children were born, I really struggled with jealousy. I found myself constantly comparing myself to others and wondering why I wasn’t enough. I believe it’s a hideous emotion and a waste of energy that has no place in this world. It exists however, due to competitive egos constantly needing to be stroked, and if the one we choose to stroke us doesn’t do it, then all hell breaks lose.
Jealousy is a disease. So what’s the key to not being jealous? For me, it’s to do whatever it takes to release the stress. Self-confidence and open, honest communication is the key. I know it sounds highbrow and boring, but it’s true. For example, if you get brassed off because he’s spending too much time with another, walk up to him and join in with the chat. If he welcomes you with open arms, then you can enjoy the rest of evening happily. However, if you detect an icy response or are made to feel like an intruder, something is up. Tell him it’s time to go home, then crucify him when you get there.
The direct and honest approach is not the easiest way to go, but in the end it’s the best. Jealous? Never!
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