Dear Wendyl,
I have a great relationship with my girlfriend. We make each other laugh, have lots of things in common and have great sex – except when my kids are around. I split from my wife five years ago and have shared the care of my two boys, so they’re at my place quite a lot. I have noticed that when they’re not there things are great.
However, when they’re around she just switches off. I’ve tried to talk about it and she insists there’s nothing wrong and makes an effort, but I can tell she doesn’t like them. I really want this relationship to last, but not if she can’t enjoy being with my boys.
Dave, Tauranga
**Dear Dave,
**I think you’re being a bit hard on her. I presume she has no children of her own, so it may be she simply doesn’t quite know what to do and how to act when the boys are around. I suggest you do some relationship-building things with her and the boys. For example, you could all go on an outing together and help her out when the kids are around by inviting her to join in with games.
Give her some time to learn how to do this parenting stuff. You could also express to her how hard you would find it if you had no parenting experience and fell in love with someone who had kids and let her know that you understand. Give her time.
Send your questions to [email protected] or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142
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