Dealing with a partner’s infidelity can be more difficult than some people can bear, so the relationship breaks up. But what if your partner mends their ways and refuses to leave?
Hi Wendyl,
I thought I’d been in a committed relationship for 17 years before a note turned up on the windscreen of my truck telling me that my wife was having an affair with her boss.
After installing a listening device in our home, I heard her calling him “darling” and telling him she loved him.
This broke my heart. I wanted us to sell our house and go our separate ways, but then she decided she wanted to stay with the boys and me. She says she’s always loved me and that it was only a close friendship. But at which point does friendship go from first names to “Darling” and “I Love You”?
I wish she had simply told me she wanted out of our marriage. I’m so sorry about the way things have panned out – the arguments that have gone on for months in front of our teenage boys. What would you do in this situation?
Broken, by email
Dear Broken,
of course you feel betrayed, hurt, angry and not very in love with your wife. These are all perfectly normal feelings to have when a partner has cheated on you.
But you should concentrate on the fact that she has decided to stay with you and your boys. This shows the affair wasn’t a great love and that she wants to keep your family together.
But for this to work you’re going to have to learn to forgive and then you’re going to have to learn to trust.
If you can’t do those two things, the relationship will struggle. Call Relationship Services on 0800 RELATE for free counselling. You may be able to find a way to forgive her over time. Do meet her halfway and try to make it work, for the sake of your family.
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