Dear Wendyl,
My husband and I are very social, we love going out with friends for dinner or having them over to our house. But I’ve started to become really embarrassed by my husband’s behaviour.
He recently retired and he might be feeling a little insecure about himself because he insists on dominating the conversation. No-one can get a word in once he starts and I can see our guests’ eyes glaze over.
Just the other night they left before dessert. I want to say something to him but I’m worried he’ll be hurt.
Can you think of a way I can get him to become a better listener?
You have to say something. These are your friends too, and you shouldn’t be losing them to his behaviour. But he may not realise he’s doing it.
Sit him down, talk about how his conversation domination is making you feel and the reactions from your friends, and work on it together.
A lot of couples find it useful to have a code word to stop a certain behaviour.
Perhaps you could signal to him to shut up by saying, “Anyone got the time?” He will then realise that he’s doing it and stop talking.
Meanwhile, see that he finds some new interests so he feels valuable to society again.
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