Fat and not happy

Safety in numbers is great for some things, but not when you’re overweight and relying on a friend to make you feel okay about that.

Dear Wendyl,

My friend and I had always been the same weight, which was fairly heavy. We both weighed over 100kg and were size 18. I liked that we were similar and she never made me feel bad about my size and vice versa.

Then, about six months ago, she met a new man and gradually started losing weight. She’s now size 14 and getting skinnier by the minute. My problem is that while I’m really happy for her, I’m also jealous and for the first time in years I’m depressed about my size. I can’t help blaming her formaking me feel this way. What can I do about it?

Fat and Not Happy, by email

Dear Fat and Not Happy,

Would you rather your friend stayed fat to keep you happy?

Surely, if you love her, you must be happy she has made some healthy choices and is enjoying her new relationship. You need to celebrate the changes she has made. No matter which way you look at it, this is a good thing.

Spend some of the energy you’re using on jealousy to see her as an inspiration. It might be that your friendship makes a change from being fat and happy with each other to helping each other get healthy.

If you don’t want to change, that’s fine. But don’t let it interfere with your friendship. Respect her for who she is.

Send your questions towendyl.nissen@nzww.co.nz or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142