Relationships

Dealing with children’s difficult questions

Dear Wendyl, My 20-year-old son was the result of a brief fling on a holiday many years ago, but I’ve always fudged this a bit with him, saying his father and I “lost touch”.

Dear Wendyl,

My 20-year-old son was the result of a brief fling on a holiday many years ago, but I’ve always fudged this a bit with him, saying his father and I “lost touch”. However, the fact is that I didn’t know his father’s name or where to find him. All I know is that the country was Samoa and what island I was on at the time. My son is also feeling quite insecure about things at the moment, following a serious relationship break-up. He feels that meeting his father would be helpful, so I am scared that telling him the truth will upset him further. I also feel very embarrassed about admitting my rather less than morally correct behaviour.

FLW (Formerly Loose Woman), by email.

Dear FLW,

I’m sure you’ve been expecting this all your son’s life, so I’m surprised you haven’t put more thought into it. And let’s get one thing straight – this issue is all about your son and not about you. So just accept that you are going to tell him the truth about what happened. I’m sure your son will be more interested in finding out any little clues to the whereabouts of his father than he will be in the fact that you had a one night stand. And I also know that it is so important for children with absent parents to re-connect with them for all sorts of reasons, including being able to have a sense of who they are. Tell your son the truth, and offer him all the help you can to track this guy down.

Send your questions to [email protected] or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142.

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