Relationships

Change of a dress

Dear Wendyl, I thought I had been happily married for over 35 years until I discovered my husband is what I suppose you would describe as a cross-dresser...

**Dear Wendyl,

**I thought I had been happily married for over 35 years until I discovered my husband is what I suppose you would describe as a cross-dresser – he has a liking for wearing women’s underwear and nighties. He promises he will stop doing it, but that hasn’t happened.

I find it very distressing and will never accept it. He has spoken to my daughter about it after I threatened to leave him, but because she loves him dearly, she says there are far worse things he could be doing. Our sex life is nonexistent as I have been hurt so much. I’m being made to feel it’s my problem.

Should I continue to let him do his own thing and ignore it, even though it’s destroying our marriage?

Betrayed, Auckland

**

Dear Betrayed,**

Of course this is a challenging situation for you and I can understand that you find this hard to accept. But let me put this problem another way for you. What if your husband came home one day and he had suddenly turned purple? All over. It’s not a great look, it’s a colour no-one else is and he’s very different.

Would you reject him for it or continue to love him and help him work through the fact that he’s now purple? What we’re talking about here is something your husband is no doubt struggling with himself. I’m not an expert in this area and I strongly advise you to get some counselling for your family.

For a start, you might want to look atcrossdresserswives.com to find out what other women have experienced. Meanwhile, don’t fight your husband on this and remember that, like your daughter, you love him . Work together on helping to ensure that both of you understand the underlying reasons he does this, then move on to seeing if you’re both able to live with it.

I think after 35 years together, the two of you have a firm foundation to work with and if you get the right help, you may be able to work it out. Make sure you give yourself some time and knowledge before making any rash decisions.

Send your questions to [email protected] or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142.

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