Agony aunt: Fast friends

Dear Wendyl,

I was happily married until two months ago, when my wife left me. She had been having an affair for a year and chose him over me. It came as a real shock and I still love her.

oy problem is that since she left, two of her friends have been coming over and making a nuisance of themselves. I try to tell myself they’re not putting the moves on me, but both of them on separate occasions have been fairly open about their intentions. I want none of it. How do I tell them to go away and leave me alone?

Hassled, email

Dear Hassled,

I am constantly amazed by the predatory nature of some people in these situations. You’re still grieving for your lost relationship and this could take some time – possibly years – so you’re doing the right thing by not plunging into a rebound affair. But I believe that having company can be a good distraction and spending time with others might help you to move on more quickly. So it’s fine to be friends with these two women; just make it clear that you are grieving and have no interest in them sexually. And here’s a tip: the one who keeps coming around anyway may be worth taking another look at later.

– Wendyl

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